Toddler Care

Posted by Meagan Church on March 9, 2012

Mom’s Alone Time

I have always appreciated alone time, but yesterday was one of those days when that time couldn’t come quickly enough. It just came in the form of a trip my pre-kid self never would’ve counted as a getaway.

My middle child decided that right before naptime would be the appropriate time to throw a massive tantrum. What was the cause? She wanted to pick out the Captain America book to read before going to sleep. Why couldn’t she pick it out? Because her brother already had. But here’s the kicker: we were all going to read the book together. It wasn’t like she would be missing out on the wonderful literature that the book is. That didn’t matter to her 3-year-old mind. She just cared that she wasn’t the one who got to get it off the bookshelf and hold it. I started off by trying to understand and reason with her. That got us nowhere. So then she was given a choice: choose a different book or go to bed immediately. She finally calmed down enough for us to read together, but as soon as reading time was over, she lost it again. (more…)

Posted by Amanda McFadden on February 27, 2012

Bye Bye Babyhood

For the last 15 months, I have been attempting to savor every minute with Caleb, my youngest baby.  I hold him a little tighter and a little longer than I held my other two.  We’ve co-slept and breastfed more frequently and longer, too.  He’s basically lived in the Ergo carrier, and he’s even earned the nickname “Titty Baby Supreme” because, well, because he is.  For most of his life, he’s been happiest when he has been held, carried, or worn by his mommy, and I have liked it that way!

I have wanted him near me or attached to me constantly because I know that he’s our last baby.  I know how fast a baby’s first couple of years fly by, and I know how much I will miss it.  It pains me to think about him not being a baby anymore (If you are now thinking that I should just go ahead and have another baby, please read my earlier blog post Baby Fever), and the thought of weaning him from breastfeeding practically sends me into a panic attack.  Try as I might, I cannot stop the clock.  He’s becoming his own little person, and I have to let him grow and explore the world, as much as I want him to stay close forever. (more…)

Posted by Jane Park on June 20, 2011

Registering for Baby Bunching

Recently a pregnant friend posted the question on Facebook: “I wanted to avoid having a baby registry, but everyone is telling me I need to have one. What are the essentials that I need to register for?” It was, as you can imagine, dear reader, a Pandora’s box. There was the Boppy faction vs. Brest Friend, the Björn devotees against Ergo converts. Bottle warmer users weighing in against those who declared them a waste of money. Gliders were a godsend while others swore that they simply served as a clothes collector in the corner of the room.

Reading the comments gave me a headache, and I could only imagine how overwhelmed the prospective mother was feeling. Clarifying, no. Tear inducing, yes. I realized that many of these “essentials” are personal choices and not exactly according to the personality of the parents. Usage depends many times on one of my favorite adages: each child is different.

While I wouldn’t dare open such a rudimentary debate to this sophisticated audience by simply posting my own list of essentials, I thought I should offer my thoughts on the things that you should have when you know you’re going to try for baby number two soon after number one. I’ve heard this method of family planning called “baby bunching.” It takes a certain woman with nerves of steel to survive having two under two and certain kinds of gear as well! (more…)

Posted by Casey Phillips on February 24, 2011

My Boy Is One

My son just celebrated his first birthday! And suddenly, I realize his life is flashing right before my eyes. It’s amazing how intense my fear was the first few months of his life. I enjoy him so much and I can’t imagine my life without him. Personally, there are a lot of reasons I was afraid to become a mother. My own mom passed away when I was seven, and I don’t think that grief will ever go away completely. I know many people put their own moms on pedestals, but when your mom dies early, her pedestal is so high… it’s practically in the clouds.

Seeing Dutch at the age of one definitely changes my perspective on my own parents. I understand they always did the best they could, living in their own worlds and using their own experiences to make decisions. I hope Dutch grows up loving me. I hope he loves me half as much as I love him. As each birthday comes and goes, I think about what he will be like as he gets older. He is already so… Dutch. For example, he does not like to be held down. Diaper changes (tears), changing his clothes (more tears), buckling him the car seat (holy moly, watch out!). However, he LOVES to be thrown through the air. If someone is tossing him around, pushing him into pillows, anything that involves being crazy active, he just loves it.

(more…)

Posted by Leyna Butcher on February 16, 2011

I Know Something, Right?

Motherhood can throw quite the learning curve. I consider myself an educated, slightly above average intelligent person. I can take in information, process it and come up with some options for me and my family. (Isn’t that what a college experience is all about.) For the amount of trial and error, scientific reasoning, and market research I think I deserve a degree in parenting!!

Some problems seem ridiculously easy to solve while others can make my head spin. Let me explain.

Keeping my on-the-go supplies stocked is easy. Have an extra diaper bag in the car that contains: extra formula/food/snacks and utensils complete with bib, wipes, diapers, a change of clothes for everyone, and a blanket. Duh! (more…)

Posted by Mary Hurst on December 18, 2010

Guilt Motherlode

As mothers, we’re inclined to feel responsible for everything having to do with our children.  Not only feeding, changing and rearing our kids, but also monitoring and cultivating good behavior in the outside world.  It’s not intellectually sound or quite fair to believe these things – we have partners, friends, family members who all contribute to the personality development and raising of our children.  New research tells us that it’s all about the peer group and we have very little influence!  All the same, mothers feel the burden of guilt over every little deviation from “perfection” – real or imagined.  Here’s my story.

I’m currently pregnant with twins.  This is my 32nd week.  I’m huge, uncomfortable, weak, exhausted, etc.  My precious almost-2 daughter Maya has recently started full-time daycare to give me the break I need throughout the day to rest and prepare for the arrival of our new family members.

Carrying Maya, lifting her onto her changing table or into/out of her crib is difficult and not particularly recommended at this stage.  But she’s my sweet baby and I’m her Mommy and it’s my job!  So the fact that I get a break from that activity every day has been wonderful.  I can take uninterrupted naps, refrain from bending and lifting and standing too long.  Why do I feel like the world’s biggest failure?

My life for the past 2 years has been that of a stay at home Mom.  I take care of Maya and the house and to a lesser extent, myself and my husband.  This has turned rather upside-down with this pregnancy.  Now I’m not taking care of anything but these unborn babies and myself, but with the focus being the health of the babies.  I don’t even know these kids yet!  I have a disturbing sense of resentment towards them because they have “taken” my Maya away.  Their health and their well being has eclipsed everything else in my life.

My husband is a very hard working graduate student this year.  His school year ends 3 days before my 40-week due date.  We’re not of the opinion that I will get to 40 full weeks, so he’s been working his butt off to get ahead of final papers, presentations, etc.  He is also now carrying the brunt of the household work.  I love to vacuum, but can’t push the darn thing without getting contractions.  Our laundry is in the basement and the stairs are narrow, rickety 100+ year old things that scare me now that I can’t see my feet. I also can’t carry anything up or down stairs, so there goes that.  I’m left to online shop for our Christmas presents and feed myself.

Basically, my husband has taken over my household duties, daycare has taken over my motherly duties and I’m left to nap and relax?  Sure, it’s probably every mom’s secret fantasy, but in reality it feels like I’m wearing a big “Loser” sign.

My relationships have suffered because I’m dealing with mild depression and don’t feel like chatting with friends for fear that I sound like an ungrateful wretch.  I’m having 2 babies when some people can’t get pregnant at all!  My pregnancy has been “shockingly normal” according to my OB.  How blessed is my family?  And yet I feel resentment and shame.

Of course intellectually I know that this is a part time thing.  The babies really do need me to rest now and focus on growing them big and strong.  My daughter won’t even remember life before twins and really does enjoy daycare.  My husband will start his deployment cycles again next year and I’ll be alone with 3 tiny munchkins and definitely handling it all.  None of this seems to help my current state of mind.

The next few months I will need to increasingly depend on others, especially once the twins arrive and things get really crazy.  I’m banking on the instant love effect to carry me through the sleepless nights and assorted hectic early days.  But I don’t like going into the final stretch less than confident about my mothering abilities.  I’m about to have 3 children!

On the PregTASTIC episodes featuring Dr. Daneshmand, we briefly discussed the difference between spontaneous twin pregnancies and planned via IVF.  Women who conceive twins through IVF knowingly choose this and perhaps have a better grasp of their goals or motivations throughout a twin pregnancy.  As a spontaneous twin mom, I was unprepared for this road and am feeling the burden of that these days.

Hopefully a few weeks after I become a mother of 3, I’ll have as enthusiastic and encouraging blog post, just like Amanda’s recent article.  In the meantime, I’m really trying to shoot myself full of positive vibes.  Do me a favor and shoot me some too?!

Posted by Krista Dulaney on November 16, 2010

Gone So Fast

It goes without saying that the baby days go by quickly. After all, the middle of the night wakings and endless feedings only last for the first of the year, or a little into the second, so eventually my life will no longer involve bibs or diapers (at least until Baby #3 or #4 someday comes into the picture).

But as someone who struggles every night to get our littlest one to sleep in his crib for longer than 30 minutes at a time and seems to be constantly changing diapers, it’s difficult to see that there will be an end to the baby days and enjoy our time in them. It can be jarring to be awakened for the seventh time in one night to comfort a crying infant. Some days I don’t think I’ll ever get that “stinky diaper” smell out of my nose. My moods are sour, my patience thin, and many days I need coffee to function.

Then I look across the table at my two year old, who seems to have gone from baby to boy overnight. He looks so grown up. When did he start using his fork so proficiently? Wow, that was almost a full sentence! It’s easy for me to get frustrated with the little moments instead of enjoying them before they are only a memory. I don’t want to forget the funny games we play as diapers and clothes are changed. I want to remember the stillness of the 4am hour when we are the only ones awake. I can’t get those moments back.

I’m taking my words to heart today and challenging myself to spend less time on things that have no real meaning or consequences and more time on the moments. An extra snuggle on the couch, one less wipe down of the kitchen counter.

What moments are you going to soak up today?

Posted by Mary Hurst on November 15, 2010

Good to Great Grandparent Advice

Most grandparents are super just the way they are.  But there are some ways that you can become a truly phenomenal grandparent who gets to enjoy loads of quality time with your grandkids.

First, my story.  Then, some advice.

I am typing from my parents’ beachfront condo north of Ft Lauderdale, FL.  My 21 month old daughter is swimming in the ocean with her grandparents and I can hear her squeals of delight from the balcony.  Obviously not everyone gets to enjoy such a fantastic situation, but my post today encourages grandparents to make a concerted effort in the “making visits as easy and fun as possible” department.

We got here yesterday, leaving Rhode Island with snow on the ground.  I’m overcoming a sinus infection and I’m sure the warmth and gentle humidity as well as the great food and mandatory napping are helping speed along the recovery.  We’ll stay until just after Thanksgiving.

Not every grandparent has such a desirable location to visit.  Clearly I’m quite lucky in that regard.  However, this is easily overcome if you espouse the super-helper attitude of my parents when it comes to their adult children and grandchildren.  Their home is a haven for kids.  There’s an abundance of kid supplies and necessities: car seats of every size, crib, pack-n-play, toddler air mattress, toys, books, highchair, pool toys, kid table & chairs, kid cups & plates, baby dolls, stuffed animals, tub toys and hooded towels, diapers, wipes, etc.  It means I can pack next to nothing and arrive in the fully-stocked lap of luxury. It means my siblings and I can make the tedious effort to fly or drive thousands of miles with children in tow with smiles on our faces and anticipation in our hearts instead of being stressed or grumbling about obligation or disrupted sleep schedules.

Any ho-hum hamlet is worth visiting if it means the kids have fun and the parents get a break.  Getting a break is exactly what my parents have in mind for their adult children and it is a phenomenal gift to visit and take a load off.  Like I said, napping is an order here.  Not so in my own house where there are chores and a demanding toddler.  For the next three weeks, when Maya wakes up from her nap and I want to sleep more, there is someone to take her to play or run errands or go to the beach.  She gets more attention and love, I get much needed rest.

Almost two years ago as we prepared for the birth of our daughter, my husband and I had the romantic notion that we could do it all ourselves and nest as a new little family.  Then we found out that he’d deploy 10 days after she was born.  I called my Mom and she made the trek over to Japan in a flash.  This first visit was amazing.  Her general attitude was that she was there to help me – by taking care of everything else so that I could bond with my new baby, she made those first few weeks of motherhood much less stressful and enjoyable.  She was an ideal house guest and helper, more like a Mommy nurse than the average grandma.  I was sad to see her go, but thrilled about our new relationship.  I will always be her baby and she has been a wonderful example of continued mothering, even at this late date!

Many grandparents feel they’ve been waiting forever to have grandkids are so excited to see the new babies. I caution that new parents need more love and attention than the babies do at first.  It is not helpful to hold the baby all day while the new parent does laundry, dishes, cooks and cleans.  Parents need to get comfortable being the primary caregivers and grandparents can assist this development by being somewhat hands-off in the beginning.  Believe me, you will be handsomely rewarded with access to your grandkids and a better relationship with your adult children.

Purchase a few items to make visits to your house/car easier. You can start small – a portable play yard or crib and convertible car seat with a wide weight range will do the trick for a long time.  Eventually a child’s seat for feeding will also be needed.  Build up a small reserve of books or toys over time.

Baby the new parents, not the new baby. Ask what you can do to help, not when you can hold the baby.  Come prepared to get your hands dirty with the maintenance of the house and family if you visit during the first few months.

Keep the advice to yourself unless specifically asked. Nothing can soil a relationship more quickly than a poorly timed or unwanted piece of grandparent “wisdom”.  Please remember that every parent is doing the best they can.  If you are asked your opinion or advice, be gentle.

No comparing kids. While it may seem tame to discuss how Daddy progressed quickly through potty training, stories of comparison can be perceived as insults to current parenting techniques.  Keep stories fun and light, not boastful. If you have many grandkids, try to treat them all equally.

I know I and my family are very blessed.  I hope you are too.  It’s really tough to solicit the help you need in a subtle way.  Feel free to show this post to your parents!