Posted by Lyssa Hurst on August 5, 2010

Facing My Infertility With Ambivalence

I have PCOS–Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, an endocrine disorder which can cause infertility by interfering with ovulation. My husband and I had been married for 5 years with only sporadic, half-hearted use of birth control, but having a baby was still an “someday” notion when I found out I was pregnant.  I was 33 and had lost a significant amount of weight which jump-started ovulation.  We started trying to get pregnant again when Quinn turned one and while I had not gained back the weight, the PCOS caught up to me–with a vengeance.  As much as I wanted another child, part of me felt like if it wasn’t going to happen on its own, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. My midwife referred me to the Reproductive Endocrinologist (R.E.) in the practice after several failed Clomid rounds (Clomid is an oral medication used to stimulate ovulation) and I procrastinated in making that appointment for a long time thinking–”it will surely happen next month”… Meanwhile, I wasn’t getting any younger and age is very unkind to a woman’s fertility!

Finally, we went to see the R.E. and learned that IVF was going to be our best chance to have another child–were we really prepared for the shots, the procedures, the hormonal tidal waves? We decided that since our insurance covered a good portion of the treatments, we’d give it a try.  We gave it three tries, to be exact. Our first cycle ended in miscarriage of twins (more on that in another post), our second cycle was a complete disaster–but the third time was the charm.  It often takes women several IVF cycles(five cycles is not unheard of) to achieve a healthy pregnancy, and my doctor really took the time to examine our case and make some small changes which seemed to do the trick. I am 24 weeks pregnant with a baby boy.

If I had to do it all again, I would have kicked my ambivalence to the curb immediately!  This can be a long process and hemming and hawing and anger and frustration only waste valuable time and energy. My son will be almost 6 when our second child is born–not the timing I would have chosen, but we are grateful for this child all the same. Luckily, we did not have to go far to find and great doctor and our insurance did cover a significant amount of the costly process. The support of my husband, family and friends also had a big impact–infertility rocked my world like no other struggle I have had to deal with,I needed all the emotional encouragement I could get.

To hear another woman’s brave battle with infertility, listen to this week’s PregTASTIC episode, featuring San Diego radio personality Sky Williams. Next week, Dr. Arlene Morales discusses infertility myths and facts. Plus, the most common fertility problems and medical treatments? And how to help friends and family members cope with infertility.

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