“Two for the price of one”

“Buy one get one free”

“Two the easy way”

Those are the comments that drive me batty.  When you are expecting twins, you’ll hear all of these and much more.  I’m not truly enormous yet, so I’m sure as things progress the pithy comments will take on a more sinister tone.  For now, I grin and bear it and wish the well-meaning strangers had a clue.

If only it were true…

Oh, if only I’d really get 2 for the price of 1!  That would mean I’d have a delightfully easy, blissful, healthy and sane pregnancy resulting in a delivery of epic happiness when 2 babies slipped into the world instead of just one.  In short, it’s not even close.

Twin pregnancies aren’t exactly grueling Everest climbs, but they are no stroll down smiley singleton lane either.  Perhaps it’s that my first pregnancy was a pretty mellow affair and my body just couldn’t live up to that ideal more than once.  I had a 9+ month respite from the migraines that have plagued me since puberty, I was well-rested and healthfully nourished, never hungover or addled from lack of sleep (until the last 4 weeks).

This time around I’m back in headache hell with no available meds.  My veins are bursting all over my body, so surely they are doing the same in my cranium.  Of course the pain and throbbing lead to sleep loss and general malaise, short-temper and decided lack of libido.

Dude, where’s my libido?

Oh how I miss the second trimester libido surge from pregnancy #1!  My husband and I were apart for the first 6 months of my last pregnancy with the exception of a 2-week romp in Hawaii.  It was the babymoon of my dreams.  He had a conference to attend, my job was to get a tan and get some sweet lovin’.  Needless to say, the first few weeks of this trimester haven’t been anywhere near so frisky.  I think my husband is probably more disappointed than I am this time around, but we were both looking forward to some good pregnancy sex.

I’m not even sure if it’s only the hormones.  Has anyone ever told you that you someday won’t recognize your own parts?  Didn’t happen to me until the very end last time.  Now I’m living with a stranger down below and I’m not happy about it — I’m swollen, smelly, strangely juicy and just not attractive.  What with weight gain, acne and the uncharted topography of my nether regions, it’s not easy to feel sexy.

Exhaustion certainly plays a big part as well – our 18 month old takes up all the “spare” energy I have.  And there’s something to be said for being “touched-out”.  I never gave it much credence before but when I spend all day hugging and loving my daughter, I don’t really feel the drive for physical affection with my husband.  It’s terrible and I need to do something about it, for both our sakes!

Measuring weeks ahead

As of this writing I’m 17 weeks pregnant with the twins.  My stomach is measuring a whopping 40″, about 11 inches more than pre-pregnancy.  I’ve gained 14 lbs and look to be 6 months along. Check out the comparison shots.  The one where I’m wearing the brown shirt is 22 weeks with singleton, the black shirt is 17 weeks with twins.  Yep, I look about 6 months now, don’t I?

It’s typical for moms of multiples to measure anywhere from 4 to 10 weeks ahead of schedule.  I read that, I understood that, I was prepared for that.  Until it happened.  It’s almost shocking to see myself in the mirror.  Last time, I didn’t really need maternity clothes until about 20 weeks.  Now the zippered-fly is a thing of the past, I’ve been in elastic waist heaven for months now.

What to wear?

Since I’m not planning on being pregnant again after this (famous last words, right?), I don’t want to buy any new maternity wear.  But dang, I was big so much earlier than the last time that I had to incorporate a whole new season of clothes. Thank goodness I’m living in America this time around and there are “Mommy and Me”-type consignment stores.  Nobody wants maternity clothes after a while!   I just hope I can make it to the end without having to raid my husband’s closet.  He’s a foot taller than I am, so it would be comical.  I guess leggings and muumuus will be my signature look.

Two for the price of what, exactly?

No one can tell you what exactly to expect from your pregnancy.  There are volumes printed on what could happen, but each pregnancy is different.  My twins will be loved regardless of all the crap I could complain about.  Truth is, I’ll be gushing like every other new mom in no time.

They are starting to move a lot more and that alone is such a thrill.  There’s something so magical about feeling your baby move in your belly.  I just loved feeling my daughter move and would poke her to get her going if she seemed to slow down.  I knew I’d miss it after she was born.  Now I have two little monkeys vying for space and figuring each other out.  I’m pretty sure there will be double pleasure in this pregnancy after all.

It has been a crazy summer here in NJ–hot and humid like none in recent memory, great preparation for Florida’s weather. I have been working a lot this summer. I need to accrue a certain number of hours to be eligible for maternity leave. A trip to the moon would be fantastic if it means some time off from work–this mama needs a break!

There is something to be said for going someplace familiar. This will be Quinn’s 8th trip to Disney (he is 5). We know our way around and feel relatively safe here. We know the food, the best places to relax and enjoy a Mickey-shaped ice cream bar and where to score free glasses of ice water… I can find the drugstore, the Urgent Care Center (yeah, been there, done that before) and the hospital. Especially while pregnant, I am not a fan of the unfamiliar.

Disney is a place where the average daily walk is about 8 miles. There are thrill rides, temperature extremes and some outstanding adult beverages. It goes without saying that some adjustments will need to be made to accommodate my “condition”. There are also many small details that can easily be missed in and around the World when caught up in the usual frenetic pace of touring–this will be a good time to stop and smell the proverbial roses.

My husband and I made many trips to Disney World with dreams of bringing our children–it took a while–but we have relished every trip with Quinn. Knowing the joy of sharing Disney with him, we hoped to have another child to add to the mix and it is finally about to happen. One of Disney’s slogans is “Where Dreams come true”, I am a believer. The pace of this vacation may be slow and I will likely be able to write a tour guide (or at least an ode) to the restrooms on Disney property–but I am so excited to spend some quality time with my favorite people in my favorite place on earth.

However, my photography buisness is growing, and so are the kids. One day I had camera equipment, beach gear (because the shoot was at the beach and my babies were invited to come along) which included an umbrella, diaper bag, sand toys, beach bag, BOB single stroller, and lunch. So with two kids under two I was making it work.

I don’t know what started the minivan craze but it took over my brain. Slowly and surely. Well, on Tuesday I waved a very sad goodbye to my Prius and took the keys of my very own USED 2006 Toyota Sienna XLE.

I have friends who would never drive a minivan. I’d never drive an SUV.

Thanks to the “Sienna Family” I’m driving my “Swagger Wagon” with a confident smirk on my face.

The biggest difference I noticed was that I’m not bending over or reaching so high with 30 pound toddler in my arms while wrestling the little guys into their car seats.

The XLE has quite a few bells and whistles that I didn’t even realize how nice those were to have on the family car. The doors have sun shades that roll up on to the windows. The driver has an extra rear view mirror to see the back seats. And the doors slide open and closed automatically. No slamming fingers into door frames. Cup holders are everywhere. It’s made for families. No DVD player, bluetooth, or backup camera. All of which would be nice to have, but for the price tag on this particular vehicle it was a steel.

I loaded it up with quite a bit of stuff today. In fact, I still need to empty it. But I’ve officially joined the ranks of motherhood.

Now, “Where my Mother-Fathers at?”

Fast forward and I’m pregnant again.  After one run at the mommy game, I figured I was an expert.  But that didn’t last long as I learned I’m expecting twins!  PregTASTIC hasn’t had much info on multiple pregnancies before, so I decided to stop being a casual listener and share my experience.

Here’s a run-down of the first trimester in both pregnancies.

Basics

Then: 31, married 3 yrs, living in Japan, part-time Fitness Instructor and English Tutor

Now: 33, married 5 yrs, living in Rhode Island, stay-at-home mother of 1 daughter.  If I make it to the full 40-week due date, my twins will be born the day before my daughter’s second birthday.

Conception

My husband is active duty Navy and deploys regularly.  Because we’d like him to be present for the birth of our children, we’ve had to plan when to try to conceive very carefully. Luckily I’m crazy fertile and our planning has been spot-on. 

Then: I was off the pill exactly one cycle. My husband had been at sea for a few months and happened to come home a couple days early, catching me in a good ovulation zone.

Now: I was off birth control exactly one cycle.  We had discussed trying for a boy this time and I did some research into what that could possibly entail. One of the suggestions was to maximize sex timing for ovulation, so I was using Ovulation Predictor Kits.  I found the day I was ovulating (or would be within 24 hrs) and the rest is history.

Getting Positive Result

Then: I took a pregnancy test and it was negative.  I left it in the bathroom and forgot about it.  When I came back a few hours later, there were two lines.  So, I took another test the following morning and had a positive within the appropriate results timeframe.  My husband and I were together for that test and were both excited about the results.  He left for the next 6 months that afternoon!

Now: I had been taking tests for about a week before I got the positive this time.  My husband and  were together for this one as well.

Symptoms

Then: Almost immediately, my breasts were huge!   I felt like I had jet lag and would collapse in the afternoon for a nice long nap. Some minor bleeding at about 6 weeks, but just brown blood which was determined to be no big deal, probably just implantation bleeding.

Now: No major breast size increase.  I was nauseous all day long, vomiting sporadically and highly sensitive to smell.  Almost everything made me gag.  I’ve never been so exhausted in my life, even in the first sleepless weeks of motherhood.  I’m not sure if it’s because I have to keep up with my toddler or just the double whammy of twins, but this time around I’m practically comatose.  Acne, vaginal discharge, body odor, gas, crabby attitude, headaches, absentmindedness, lightheadedness are all some of the lovely symptoms this time around!

First doctor’s appointments

Then: In Japan, there was only one OB to serve a very large population.  I didn’t meet her until she delivered my daughter!  So, I had my pregnancy followed by a number of different GPs in a very small clinic on base.  I was told to wait until 8 weeks along before coming in for the blood test and then my first ultrasound was at 10 weeks.

Now: There are no military OBs in my town, so I’m referred out to a local civilian OB practice.  My choice of provider is a Certified Nurse Midwife, whose practice also includes an OB.  I saw her when I was 7.5 weeks along, just after my positive blood test.  She has an ultrasound machine in the exam room and I’m thrilled to have a peek inside my uterus every visit!

OMG, I’m having WHAT??? My midwife spent a long time interviewing me about my first pregnancy and my medical history before we got to the ultrasound.  I told her how awful I’d been feeling and that I was just overwhelmed.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t much she could do to reassure me since some women deal with much worse and each pregnancy is different.  When I was having my ultrasound, she poked around for a while and found a baby.  I said, “Just one”?  She asked about my family history and I told her that there were twins on my mother’s side.  She said, “Well, there is another egg sac here, but that doesn’t automatically mean twins.”  Of course she found the other baby!  Both had healthy heartbeats and separate sacs, separate placentas, which is great for twins and likely means they are fraternal.

Breaking the twins news

My husband – like many men, kids and women who haven’t had children – had always thought twins would be super and openly wished that we’d have twins.  I thought one at a time would be just fine!  Clearly he got his way.  I was in shock, but also excited.  I knew he’d be thrilled and our families would be ecstatic.  So, I hurried home to tell him, armed with 3 ultrasound photos.  He met me in the house and we chatted about my appointment.  I showed him picture # 1 and said, “This is a picture of a baby” and did the same with picture #2.   And then I handed him the last shot of them both and said, “This is a picture of the two of them together!”  It had a fairly dramatic effect and we just kind of stared at each other laughing before we collapsed on our couch to contemplate the rest of our lives.  Oy, heady stuff!

Since I was already 7 weeks along and had seen the babies and their heartbeats, we decided to tell our families right away.  We had kept the pregnancy news from them, so this was a pretty big scoop.  We Skyped with our parents and called or emailed with the rest of our families.  Our local friends already knew I was pregnant — I like my wine, so when I stopped drinking it was fairly obvious — but we waited a few more weeks to tell other friends.

Weight gain, exercise

Then: I gained 2 lbs the first trimester and was able to keep teaching fitness classes without dropping my workload.

Now: I gained 8 lbs in the first 12 weeks and was discouraged from exercise other than walking.

Twinsights

This pregnancy has been much harder on me overall than the first.  There are times when I think our timing was a little too rushed and that it would have been nice to have a summer together and enjoy just being a 3-person family for a while.  Our lifestyle doesn’t allow for much rose-smelling, so to speak, and we are forced to plan things far in advance.  We’ll be a party of 5 before we know it and life will continue to present new challenges!

Initially I thought my second pregnancy would be sort of ho-hum and boring since I’d been through it and knew what to expect.  Ha!  No way is this ho-hum!  It’s nice to have something altogether different to learn about and research.  I have a totally different library this time and have soaked up as much “twinfo” as possible.  My care is vastly different as I’ll be followed by a team of OB professionals and have more frequent and intense monitoring.  It’s exciting to share the news – people are awed by twins and I’ve had so many pleasant reactions that I can’t help but feel better about the minor irritations of pregnancy.

Nolan, who is now 23 months and breastfed for 14 months, was extremely difficult to breastfeed. Flat nipples, tongue tied, and engorgement made the first three months painful and horribly difficult. No one is ready to be on the phone with you at 2:38 am to walk you through another painful latch and waiting for a let down. But just as I started to get the hang of it, it seemed that my milk supply tanked. I’d feel a let down and hear that little clicking swallow for a few minutes, then nothing. No swallow, just a cry and numerous attempts to re-latch to no avail. So frustrating!!!

The most useful information I got was from a LLL leader. With access to a pump I was able to do something called “Power Pumping.” This is where you spend an hour with your pump doing 12 minute intervals of on and off pumping. So while watching Grey’s Anatomy or a whole hour of The Office, I’d pump for twelve minutes then rest for twelve minutes, then jump back on. This is only three rounds of pumping. I did this at night as soon as the little guy went down.

Well, Nolan got through it. Now I’m working on Garrett. Here we are at four months and spending some “quality time” with my pump on the living room floor.

The difference between the first and second child is that Garrett has already been losing weight. This started before the supply problem. Right now, they’ve chalked it up to being an “active baby.” The only thing keeping me from getting excessively worried is the wet and poopy diapers I change all day, and the fact that Garrett seems to be a happy and healthy baby. The big picture looks good. As a mom, it’s my job to worry. I am confident I’ll get through this adjustment period again.

But until then, pump, drink dark beer, take fenugreek, and nurse all the time!

My biggest concern was being able to continue nursing Layla to the 12 month mark. Would I be able to give her the nourishment that she needed? Was it safe to breastfeed during pregnancy? In addition to Hilary Flower’s Adventures in Tandem Nursing, I consulted KellyMom and La Leche League- two of my favorite breastfeeding resources- and was reassured that in the majority of cases, it is perfectly safe to continue breastfeeding your baby while pregnant, but it can present some challenges.

Possible Challenges

• Discomfort Many women who have gone through the first trimester of pregnancy are all too familiar with the breast sensitivity that can go along with a new pregnancy. Add a nursing baby to the mix and the problem can be compounded. I was lucky enough that I have not had any pain while nursing Layla during this pregnancy, but some women are not so fortunate. Some women even experience a creepy-crawly, or antsy sensation, which can take some of the joy out of the breastfeeding relationship.
• Your Own Nutrition When you are pregnant and nursing, you are supporting three people, and the nutrients are distributed according to priority. The growing fetus gets dibs, followed by your nursing child, and then you come in third. Ensuring that you are eating and drinking adequately is key. A pregnant woman needs 200 extra calories per day. A nursing mother needs about 500 extra calories daily. Making sure that you eat well can be difficult when you’re experiencing the nausea and exhaustion of early pregnancy, all while chasing after a baby or toddler. This is where your husband or partner really needs to help you out as much as possible to make sure you’re taken care of.
• Dip in Milk Supply Around the 6 week mark, I noticed that Layla was getting very fussy at the breast. She would would latch on only to pop off a few seconds later, acting very frustrated. I tried to hand express my milk and very little milk came out. I promptly freaked. The next day she did the same thing. Not only was I worried that she wasn’t getting enough milk, I was heartbroken, thinking that our breastfeeding relationship was over just like that. As a last ditch effort, I went online to look for pregnancy safe  galactogogues (herbs, medicines, and foods that increase milk supply) and I found More Milk Two , an herbal supplement that is safe to take during pregnancy. Within a few days of starting the  supplement, my milk supply was back and we were able to continue nursing. Every woman’s experience will be different. Some women I have talked to noticed absolutely no change in supply until well into the second trimester, while others had absolutely no milk by the time they were 10 weeks along.
• Nutrition and The Age of Your Nursing Baby When you are pregnant and nursing, your breastmilk will change back over to colostrum at some point in the second trimester, usually around 20 weeks gestation. If you are nursing an older infant or toddler, there will probably be no real nutritional issues to deal with. Toddlers’ nutritional needs can be met through whole milk and solid foods, but mothers of infants will need to pay close attention to make sure their babies’ needs are being met. Mothers of older infants that are close to turning one will likely have enough milk to at least make it to the 12 month mark, when whole milk can be introduced. The woman who gets pregnant while nursing a younger infant will likely have to make the switch to formula to meet her baby’s nutritional needs if her milk converts to colostrum before the baby turns one.

Looking Back

Layla and I were able to continue breastfeeding past her first birthday, and now at 13 months (and 18 weeks pregnant) we are on the road to weaning. I find myself treasuring these last few weeks that we get to share this special bond. It makes the difficult times we had at the beginning and toward the end feel so worthwhile. I am glad (and darn proud!) that I was able to provide her with the best nourishment that I could for her first year of life. Like many other areas of motherhood, the decision to continue nursing during pregnancy and beyond  is a personal one, and the needs of all parties involved- the mother, the nursling, and the fetus need to be balanced, but it’s good to know that a new pregnancy does not mean that your breastfeeding relationship has to come to an end.

We did all the “right things” when Quinn was born–we were skin to skin almost immediately, he was latched on within his first 30 minutes of life, and I religiously logged how long he was on each breast. Soon however, I watched my sweet newborn turn an interesting shade of yellow and wondered if his tiny, very absorbant little diaper had any urine in it–it can be hard to tell (I love the nurse who taught me to place a tissue in the diaper to see if was wet). They sent me home assuming that my milk was just slow to come in.

The details are a bit fuzzy almost 5 years later, but I know there was very little sleep and much worry that my son was starving and I was to blame. Our pediatrician had a lactation consultant who was immensely helpful–she set me up with a turbo-charged, hospital grade breast pump and a supplemental feeding system.  Another lactation consultant and friend told me what herbs to take, how much water to drink and I followed all orders as directed–to the point of what felt like insanity.

Despite all of these interventions, my milk never came in. I cried tears of guilt and shame as I doomed my baby to a life of ear infections and decreased intelligence. It was a whole new level of failure to know that I was depriving my child of this essential concoction which Mother Nature had intended for his optimal growth and development.

I do support breastfeeding and my mind understands and supports the zealous campaigning being done to promote it. My heart still feels sad that Quinn and I began our bond together distressed over the fact that my body just would not work the “right” way. We moms are all in this to grow healthy babies. The breast is best, it is good for the baby and good  for the mom–but,  if breastfeeding is not possible, it is reassuring to know that a formula fed little munchkin can turn into a healthy, vibrant child who has only had two ear infections in five years and is well-bonded with his mommy.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. As our society has grown and changed, the things that were once taboo and sometimes used to be frowned upon, we have now opened our mind to accept and therefore adapt. Thereby, making it now normal. These range from cleaning products (What? Baking soda is not just for cooking?) to tampons (Can you imagine our grandmother’s first thoughts… you wanna stick that where?!).

Pregnancy and the upcoming birth of our child have made me do just that. The things that were once ‘gross’ to me, I am now having an open mind about; some of the options considered bizarre, I am now looking into. There are some choices in pregnancy and childbirth that are starting to cross lines. More and more people are doing it so they are becoming more and more popular and moms are inquiring about them. Including me.

My life thus far has always been extreme. With pregnancy it has just taken a sharp turn that make friends politely go, “Hmmm….”

Starting with our choice of birth. Once upon a time, I was all for a hospital, medicated birth. That was our hope and desire! I used to joke with people to give me an epidural as soon as I got pregnant! My husband agreed saying he wanted one, too. However, since getting pregnant we have decided on almost the complete opposite… a water birth at a birthing center. I have now become un‐normal amongst my peer group and get a lot of funny looks and questions from concerned people (and not just friends!)

Then the baby shower came. After spending 10 years on and off in childcare I decided I didn’t want anything new, I want to cloth diaper, and make my own baby food. Friends don’t know how to go about buying shower gifts for us. I now have a big sign on my forehead that says, “WEIRDO!”

Now, the stuff I am afraid to admit because it might ostracize me from those near and dear…. I’ve considered placenta encapsulation and breast milk donation. There! I’ve said it aloud! You might as well stick me in the bush to make friends with the animals, cause I’m off in the woods!

Honestly, my first thought was, “Ewwww. Really?! People do that?” I saw my dog give birth once, and her natural instinct was to eat every puppy’s placenta. I’ve also seen a cat suck a dog’s teats for milk. Now, I’ve also seen a dog eat poop, so I’m not necessarily going the route of the animal kingdom.

But it’s made me think, why not these options for my baby? I’m willing to eat the oil from a fish, algae, cod liver to name a few and whatever else that will help me and grow my baby to be a genius, yet I can’t even consider the strongest vitamins that helped grow the life inside of me because it sounds gross? We are also the only creatures that will give our babies milk that was meant for calves, but yet we find other woman’s breast milk disturbing.

What is ‘normal’ and who classifies it? Do we stand to be out‐casted from playgroups if we chose one way or another? Do we need to get a celebrity on board so our absurd becomes hip? Or our hip becomes absurd? If we claim to have open‐minds then why aren’t people talking about it and sharing? I think that’s why I like PregTASTIC so much. The subject is pregnancy and childbirth so everything goes. We talk about things with guests whom I would never have sought advice from before and I find myself intrigued with what they have to say.

I know the judgment only gets worse from here on out as we try to rear our children in a ‘normal’ society. I might have to go live in the woods with my animal friends and reemerge for my placenta capsules; or just grin and bear it with a smile on my face and a secret in my heart while pretending to be ‘normal’ while we all figure this parenthood thing out.

Now, I still haven’t wrapped my brain around a placenta teddy bear but let’s just say I’m trying to be open about all things…