army wife trying to plan second pregnancy around deployments

[mrssgtwags]

Hello all of you beautiful mommies!!! My name is Kelly and I have a question. I just had my first son this past July and my husband is preparing for his 3rd deployment to Iraq.... he just got back Nov 2006...I had our first baby while he was gone... Well we are trying to have another baby while he is still home and so time is of the essence. I am somewhat nervous about trying to conceive after just having a c-section 6 months ago... We both want to finally share in the pregnancy together in the same country and now is the time to try! Is there any advice you can give me? Is is okay and safe? I loved my first delivery and breastfeeding went great! I'm hoping everything goes just as smooth this time around!!! Any suggestions... advice on life with two little ones under the age of 2? I'll take any support/advice I can get!!! Thank you all!!!
Kelly

[preggers]

Hi Kelly,

We were surprised with my second pregnancy and have two babies under two now; one is 23 months and one is five months; 18 months apart. I'll share a few things that come to mind about caring for two babies.

It's been tough at times but this is all I know. The issue of two in diapers is no issue for me, it gets done and doesn't bother me at all. It gets tough when it's naptime and I need to put the baby down and the toddler wants my attention. And, it's hard when the toddler needs to be down for a nap and the baby is fussy. Feeding times get tough when the baby needs to eat often during the first months and the toddler is into everything. Though, I know moms who never had problems with that.

I imagine that there are ups and downs with having babies close together and further apart. If the older one is more independent, it seems like it would be "easier" with a newborn. Though, after the first year or so of close together babies, your kids will learn to play together and you have constant playmates for each other. Also, I melt when I see my toddler kissing my baby without prompting, and when he brings her toys and "reads" her books. I can easily take them for walks together in the double stroller too.

I have to say, it was a lifesaver for me to have regular help from a great babysitter for the first months of the second baby. It depends on the temperment of the babies of course, but if you have an active and needy toddler and a newborn and you're by yourself, it gets nuts to say the least. You feel like neither of the kids are getting enough of you and you're exhausted. So if you are going to have another and your husband will be gone shortly after the birth of the second, get daily help for the first three months or so.

I imagaine it would be hard with two babies who don't walk yet, but I think you are out of that area already with a six month old.

Anyway, I hope this helps a bit. All the best to you in your decision.

Patti

[tingzon72]

Kelly,

My best friend is a military wife and had the same 1st child experience as yours. She waited for 2 years before she conceived her 2nd child and that worked for her. My sister had her kids 18 months apart, that worked for her. I had my kids 6 years apart, that worked for me. We all work with the hand that we're dealt. Just remember, it's hard to raise 1 child alone, let alone 2. If your hubby is going on deployment again- soon, remember, you'll have this kid and then he'll be gone- leaving you with a toddler and a baby to raise alone, without help for a while. Analyze what implications that leaves for you. Do you have the support you'll need to raise 2 children if he goes back to Iraq? These are things to consider before you plunge into having another child so soon.

Ultimately, the decision is yours. You are the one that will carry this baby and care for this baby, so no one (sorry to say, not even your husband) knows what impact that will have on you. I know that I seem a little doom and gloom here, but I also want to put realistic questions on the forefront that may help you come to the conclusion that works best for you and your family.

Good luck on your quest. I wish you and your hubby the best of luck. I will also pray that he doesn't have to go back to Iraq so that you can have the best of both worlds.

Namaste,
Veronica

[skipnjif]

My son is 19 months old and I am expecting my second baby in a week, so I am not sure yet of what the ups and downs will be. I do wish you luuck, though...I have a few close friends whose husbands are in the military and have been deployed at different times. I know that- with or without childre- it is never easy to be a military wife. You and your husband are in my thoughts

[blueenvy]

Wow!

I don't have any advice, but I somewhat understand how stressful deployments can be! I'm sure its even harder when trying to plan a baby!

My dad was deployed to bosnia....Came home and my mom was almost seven month pregnant. She had planned on adopting me out and not telling him while he was gone, but he came home early!