Now I will admit that I would be thrilled to have a little girl and finally being able to wander over into the pink section and immerse myself in tutus, princesses and dolls! But as a mother of a disabled child I have to say that “healthy baby” is on top of the list, no matter what gender!

Nevertheless, while we were trying to conceive I did some research to see whether there is any definitive information out there on how to influence the gender at conception. I was amazed by the massive amount of tips, tricks and devices that promise to result in the gender of the reader’s choice! Put “How to conceive a boy” into Google and you get about 10,000,000 hits! Some methods are free and some are pricey, but – with the exception gender selected embryo IVF – no method is guaranteed, despite all the glowing testimonials!

So here is a brief overview of all the theories floating around:

The most commonly known method for gender selection is the Shettles method. It’s based on the principle that male sperm are faster, but die quicker, while female sperm are slow, but hang around longer. So therefore – if you can pinpoint your ovulation – you just need to have intercourse up to 2 days before ovulation for a girl and on the day of ovulation, if you want a boy. (While this method is well known, we tried it with our second child and it did not work for us. Many testimonials online state similar failure and some go as far as claiming Shettle’s research was flawed and irreproducible.)

Almost an opposite timing is propagated by the O+12 (pronounced “oh plus twelve”) method, which proposes intercourse about 12 hours after ovulation for a girl. Supposedly discovered by a mother that had six sons before conceiving a girl with this, a small New Zealand study confirmed the findings. However pinpointing ovulation to the hour requires some serious discipline (with basal temperature charting and mucus observation) or a major gadget (like an ovulation monitor) – never mind a partner that can stand by for urgent intercourse!

In addition to these timing methods, you can go a step further an monitor the pH of your vagina – alkaline favors boys, more acidic favors girl sperm. Usually the entrance of the vagina is more acidic, so shallow penetration (”missionary position”) for a girl, while orgasms make the environment more alkaline, thus boy sperm friendly. In order to really tweak your vaginal pH some websites promote a “gender diet” – for girls try acidic foods, high in calcium and magnesium, for boys alkaline foods, high in salt and potassium. Most websites give long lists of specific foods that you are allowed to eat for one or the other, but all have the disclaimer that you should not do this for more than 3 months in order to avoid nutritional deficits.

The newest scientific research actually suggests that the gender is not so much determined by the sperm that gets to the egg first, but by the polarity of the egg at the moment – the ovule membrane has an alternating charge throughout the cycle and attracts or rejects the themselves slightly polarized sperm chromosomes. (You can actually separate male from female sperm by electrolysis.) There are several websites that claim they have done enough research to be able to determine when your egg will charged on a way to attract male or female sperm by the day. For that, they want your age, blood type and date of first period – and A LOT of money. A 6 months gender prediction calendar can cost up to $250 and even though most offer a “money back guarantee” (= send in the birth certificate of the “wrong gender” conceived), that seems more like a money making scheme than sound scientific advice.

Are you confused yet, what to believe? We were! So we decided to give it up to Mother Nature, which – after all – still meant a chance of 50-50. I would love to be able to report here what gender we conceived, however the baby had its legs firmly closed during the last ultrasound and so I will have to endure a couple more weeks of “Do you know what you are having? Are you hoping for a girl?”. I assume we will know the gender at the very latest when it comes out!

• Finally settle on a baby girl name.
• Have a natural birth with a healthy mom and baby.
• Spend at least the first year nursing without complaining about the time commitment.
• Read a lot, even if I’m tired from caring for a newborn.
• Run. And feel blessed to be able to do it again.
• Encourage a good sleep schedule for the baby, but don’t be beholden to it.
• Be more flexible. And I’m not talking about touching my toes (though that would be nice, too).

What about you? Did you set any resolutions or reminders?

Former PregTASTIC Panelist, Amy, recently gave birth to her first child, a beautiful baby girl. Did she make it past her due date? What other important person in her life gave birth on the same day? What does she think started her labor and what did the doctor say that completely shocked her? Plus breastfeeding woes and how she overcame them.

Featured Panelist: Sunny (host)
Guest Panelists: Amy, Mark and Baby Lily

Mark, Amy and Baby Lily

I know they say the third time is the charm, but with kids, anything goes. Before even becoming pregnant with this one, I wondered if I would be pressing my luck with another delivery. I’ve experienced two natural births that have been quite low on interventions. And I’m very pleased with that fact. Still I can’t help but wonder how this one will go. Will I be able to once again avoid the interventions I fear? Will I make it through this delivery without a c-section?

Part of my fear comes from #2’s positioning. I had horrendous back labor because she was sunnyside up until minutes before crowning. Thankfully my midwife knew a move that corrected her position. Back labor ended and she was born. I know that once a woman labors with a baby in that position, her likelihood of that happening again increases. If so, I hope that same maneuver convinces this one to flip as well. But who knows; this one might never be in that position. This one might be ready for an even speedier exit than #2…an exit that nearly happened before my midwife made it to the hospital. Which brings me to fear #2.

What if this one comes too quickly? With #1, my labor stalled the minute I walked through the hospital doors. Now I have a better understanding of the progression of labor and the sphincter law (as Ina May Gaskin calls it), which is why I waited to go to the hospital with #2. I know the longer a woman labors in a hospital, the more likely interventions will be. So, when hard labor started, I got out the exercise ball and bounced through them in the comfort of my living room. When the breaks between contractions were becoming non-existent, we left for the hospital. It’s a good thing we didn’t wait any longer; she was born within an hour from the time we entered the hospital.

Having experienced back labor with both kids, my midwife says that if this one is in a good position, I might not have back labor. And then I might not even know I’m in actual labor. While I do enjoy the thought of not experiencing that horrible back pain, I’m not sure how I feel about an unexpected home…or car…birth. Perhaps my husband should start looking into birthing techniques.

So what do I do about these fears? The only thing I know to do. Read and research. Throughout the years I’ve taken in a plethora of birth stories, talked to doulas and midwives, listened to countless podcasts, read a fair amount of books and attended a birthing class. I’ve come up with my personal birth philosophy thanks to the knowledge I’ve collected, so perhaps the most important thing I’ve done was to find a care provider that will respect that. I have a midwife I know and admire. I have confidence in her abilities. But more important than her abilities are my own. I know I’ve done this twice before. I know things can always happen or go wrong. Twists in the journey can pop up unexpectedly, but I believe self-confidence goes a long ways.

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Listen to PregTASTIC, Episode 230 to learn more about the Top 10 Labor and Delivery Fears many women experience.

In this episode: Sunny (host), Mercedes and Amy
Special guests: Jane, Johannes and Baby Lenny

Amy, Sunny, Jane (holding Lenny), Johannes, Mercedes

Jane, Johannes and Lenny

Royce, Jane and Sunny

In this episode: Sunny (host), Mercedes and Kerri
Special Guest: Dr. Colleen McNally, OB/GYN at Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women and Newborns

Resource: American College of Obstetrics and Gynocology, http://www.acog.org

Whatever, I thought to myself. I was cranky.

That weekend, Super Bowl Weekend, we finally finished doing everything around the house: putting away all the Christmas decorations, organizing the nursery, the car seat etc. At the end of the night, I was too tired to pack my hospital bag. My husband and I decided to do it the next day. Well, that never happened (as I’m sure you can guess). I had just gone to the bathroom AGAIN and fallen back into a nice slumber when I was awakened by a HUGE POP! I knew immediately what it was, but I was in denial. It freaking CAN’T BE!! I didn’t want to wake my husband. I thought it was crazy. I went into the bathroom and confirmed that my water indeed did break and it wasn’t some freaky urine accident.

It was 3AM. I woke my husband, still in denial, and told him I thought my water broke but I wasn’t sure. I ordered him to look it up on the internet while I went to clean up. I took a shower, packed my bags, sent some emails, and called the OB at 5AM because I was still in denial and didn’t want to wake her. She said something to me like “You’ve got some time, but don’t dillydally and come in to the hospital because you are going to have a baby.” I started crying.

Sofía was born 37 weeks and 1 day at 12:05 PM. She weighed 7.5 pounds and was 21.5 inches long. Thank GOD she didn’t wait until 40 weeks!

My advice to expecting mommies… remember the POP!

In this episode: Sunny (host), Jane, Jenn, Deborah, Theresa and Jenna
Guest Expert: Dr. Jackie Guerrero, OB/GYN at San Ysidro Health Center

Resource: CTIS Pregnancy Information Line, http://www.ctispregnancy.org

Jane, Dr. Jackie Guerrero, Sunny and Jenna

It all started four years ago with the birth of my first son.  I had a pretty typical experience with him, not giving much thought to the process of birth before he actually left the womb.  I went into labor having only read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, hoping for a natural childbirth experience for the simple reason that my mom had four children without any pain medication.  I figured it couldn’t be that hard if she and other women had been giving birth since the beginning of time without drugs.  I ended up with a Pitocin drip, artificially ruptured membranes, narcotics through my IV, and an epidural.  I remember feeling great when the epidural was administered – such relief from the pain from the contractions that I had no idea how to handle at the time.  It was after the birth that the real pain set in, as I was left with both physical and emotional scarring.  I knew there had to be a better way, so I started dabbling in learning about birth and became a recreational reader on the subject.

When I became pregnant again, I took my habit to the next level.  I read whatever I could get my hands on, I watched documentaries about birth, and I talked to anyone who seemed to be willing to listen and share.  My sister got me hooked on PregTASTIC, and I also found people in my community that I wanted to be like.  These women had natural childbirths, and they fed my addiction by sharing their birth stories and giving me more to read, more to watch, more to take in.  I felt like my eyes had been opened to a whole other world I never knew existed.  I wanted to be like the women I befriended and the ones I read about, whose births were a spiritual experience they participated in, not something that was done to them.

The birth of my second son was a life-changing experience.  I had never taken part in something so beautiful, so difficult, so empowering, and so sacred.  I wanted to shout from the mountain tops that I had been let in on one of the greatest secrets of life, that I was privileged to participate in something so divine.  It wasn’t an easy labor or delivery, but I had done it on my own, and it was a truly amazing accomplishment.  I was hooked for life.

Now pregnant for the third time (with only about four weeks to go until my due date), I am consumed with thoughts about birth. I’m completely, utterly obsessed!  The more I learn about the process, the more fascinating it becomes to me.  I wonder about things like how the baby knows to turn as it’s leaving the birth canal, how the placenta knows to stop supplying the baby with oxygen and nutrients, how the whole process of labor begins in the first place.  It’s mind-boggling and mystical really, and I can’t get enough of it.  I have three books on my nightstand as I type this – Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife, and Birth: The Surprising History of How We are Born.  That’s just what I’m currently reading.  I watch YouTube clips of babies being born, just so I can watch that incredible moment where the baby goes from being a part of its mother to an individual, and I get goosebumps every time.  I read about birth stories or listen to them on PregTASTIC all the time (my favorite episodes are the birth stories!), and I reflect on my own children’s births.  I fantasize about becoming a midwife someday, so that I can become a part of the miraculous process of birth on a daily basis.  When I look back at my experience four years ago, I can’t believe how much my identity has changed simply because of my interest in childbirth.  I know some people think I’m crazy, but I really feel like I’m enlightened.

I can’t wait to go into labor on my third son’s birth day (bet you don’t hear that every day!).  He and I (and his Dad, working magic with double hip squeezes and back rubs and encouraging words) will work together to bring him into the world.

At the same time, I’m a little sad because I know it will be the last time I get to go through birth.  I wonder if experiencing birth for the final time will be like a cold-turkey, detoxifying rehab for my addiction.  Will I want to put away my hippie-dippie natural birth books and start reading novels again?  Will I lose interest on the subject because it doesn’t directly apply to me anymore?  I hope not.  I don’t want to lose this high, this feeling that comes with the knowledge of how beautiful and empowering birth can be.  I hope I always feel this passionate about birth, that I can pass it on and share it with other women, so that they, too, might become birth junkies.   Does that make me a birth pusher?