For better or worst – we both coasted through our childhood with a living instruction manual in-front of us.  Yet, now we’re gearing up for our first child in a social circle where we will be the first first-time parents, and we are facing this transition without the step by step guide making us trend setters to some degree but more often it has left us defending our less than traditional choices.  It is in this space between trend setting and tradition that my husband and I are learning the art of being first.  Something I’m sure both our siblings learned at an early age.    

For us the art of being first is more than just being the first of our friends to have a baby, but the first of our friends to try these new crazy things.  It is a mixture of exploration, understanding and defiance:  exploring our options, understanding the counterpoints being raised by others and a willingness to defy the standard recommendation.  We started to learn the art of being first when we made some of our first non-traditional choices like that we will make our own baby food, that we will use a bassinette exclusively during the first six months for strolling instead of a car seat (even if that means waking up the baby- oh my) and our minimalist approach to the nursery.  Tradition would recommend that we just feed our baby processed food, that we disregard the new research about the dangers of using a car seat as a stroller for hours on end, and that a nursery isn’t a nursery without a fresh coat of paint.

This learning process was really tested when we made one of our bigger decisions to use cloth diapers.  No one we know has used or has even considered using cloth diapers.  When we share with others that we are going to cloth diaper we are normally greeted by blank stares, awkward smiles, or gross looking faces (as if they were visualizing all the poopy diapers we were going to have to wash).

Our closer non-silent friends even go beyond making faces to actually giving us reasons why we are making a mistake.  Some told us that the extra water expense would cancel the cost savings and environmental benefit, others told us we won’t have the energy to do the extra laundry, or that we won’t have the stomach to de-poop the diapers, but most just thought we were crazy to cloth diaper when there are so many wonderful disposable options.

As my husband and I see it, the art of being first has two stages.  The first stage, that we are currently in, is when we learn the dance on how to share with less vigor, pick the moments of real debate, and share our insights with a grain of salt.  While the second state, that we will be in after the baby arrives, will focus around our willingness to be wrong, change our views, and share our failures with others coming behind us.  It will also include sharing our victories (in moderation of course) and enjoying the sweet taste of independence marked with success.

All this said most of the push-back we have faced from friends and family have been more inquisitive than combative in nature.  Our friends and family have been beyond supportive and are ready to love our baby with their full hearts.  They might think we are crazy or our energy won’t last – but they are willing to support us through it all.  In the end, that is also part of the art of being first the ability to stand tall without a known outcome.

Most recently, after listening to PregTASTIC Episode 232 regarding Elimination Communication (EC), I’m motivated to see if I can raise an American baby without diapers.  I’m sure this revelation will be welcomed with more blank stares, awkward smiles, and you’re crazy wide-eyes.  Yet, as I have almost mastered the art of being first, I’m prepared to share softly in my decision, listen openly to the feedback, stand firm in my decision, and decide carefully when to debate the issue.  I don’t have a road map for success but I do have a heart to try and a husband willing to try almost anything.  Truth be told, the blank stare, awkward smile and crazy look came from him this weekend when I told him I wanted to try EC.  Oh well, sometimes the art of being first is a solo performance.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. As our society has grown and changed, the things that were once taboo and sometimes used to be frowned upon, we have now opened our mind to accept and therefore adapt. Thereby, making it now normal. These range from cleaning products (What? Baking soda is not just for cooking?) to tampons (Can you imagine our grandmother’s first thoughts… you wanna stick that where?!).

Pregnancy and the upcoming birth of our child have made me do just that. The things that were once ‘gross’ to me, I am now having an open mind about; some of the options considered bizarre, I am now looking into. There are some choices in pregnancy and childbirth that are starting to cross lines. More and more people are doing it so they are becoming more and more popular and moms are inquiring about them. Including me.

My life thus far has always been extreme. With pregnancy it has just taken a sharp turn that make friends politely go, “Hmmm….”

Starting with our choice of birth. Once upon a time, I was all for a hospital, medicated birth. That was our hope and desire! I used to joke with people to give me an epidural as soon as I got pregnant! My husband agreed saying he wanted one, too. However, since getting pregnant we have decided on almost the complete opposite… a water birth at a birthing center. I have now become un‐normal amongst my peer group and get a lot of funny looks and questions from concerned people (and not just friends!)

Then the baby shower came. After spending 10 years on and off in childcare I decided I didn’t want anything new, I want to cloth diaper, and make my own baby food. Friends don’t know how to go about buying shower gifts for us. I now have a big sign on my forehead that says, “WEIRDO!”

Now, the stuff I am afraid to admit because it might ostracize me from those near and dear…. I’ve considered placenta encapsulation and breast milk donation. There! I’ve said it aloud! You might as well stick me in the bush to make friends with the animals, cause I’m off in the woods!

Honestly, my first thought was, “Ewwww. Really?! People do that?” I saw my dog give birth once, and her natural instinct was to eat every puppy’s placenta. I’ve also seen a cat suck a dog’s teats for milk. Now, I’ve also seen a dog eat poop, so I’m not necessarily going the route of the animal kingdom.

But it’s made me think, why not these options for my baby? I’m willing to eat the oil from a fish, algae, cod liver to name a few and whatever else that will help me and grow my baby to be a genius, yet I can’t even consider the strongest vitamins that helped grow the life inside of me because it sounds gross? We are also the only creatures that will give our babies milk that was meant for calves, but yet we find other woman’s breast milk disturbing.

What is ‘normal’ and who classifies it? Do we stand to be out‐casted from playgroups if we chose one way or another? Do we need to get a celebrity on board so our absurd becomes hip? Or our hip becomes absurd? If we claim to have open‐minds then why aren’t people talking about it and sharing? I think that’s why I like PregTASTIC so much. The subject is pregnancy and childbirth so everything goes. We talk about things with guests whom I would never have sought advice from before and I find myself intrigued with what they have to say.

I know the judgment only gets worse from here on out as we try to rear our children in a ‘normal’ society. I might have to go live in the woods with my animal friends and reemerge for my placenta capsules; or just grin and bear it with a smile on my face and a secret in my heart while pretending to be ‘normal’ while we all figure this parenthood thing out.

Now, I still haven’t wrapped my brain around a placenta teddy bear but let’s just say I’m trying to be open about all things…

Why didn’t we cloth diaper from the beginning? It’s kind of a long story, but the short version is that our housing and work situation was pretty uncertain until after our son was born. We lived someplace without an accessible washer and dryer for almost six months, which wouldn’t have worked very well! Our switch to cloth corresponded with the next size of diapers, so it really was timed quite nicely.

If you know anything about modern day cloth diapering, you know that there are many options for cloth diapering. There are fitted diapers, pocket diapers, all-in-ones, prefolds, as well as other types. Many parents choose to use several types of diapers and find that different types of diapers are best suited for different situations. For instance, a mom might use prefolds with covers during the day but use a more absorbent pocket diaper at night. In addition to the many types, there are large variations in pricing. Most would agree that prefolds (used with covers) are the most economical option, while all-in-ones are pricier but offer excellent coverage and leak protection.

I give you this primer in a paragraph to give you a little background on my decision-making process. We decided to go with prefold diapers with fitted covers (using a Snappi fastener) because of our budget. We have been using disposable diapers at night and during our very hectic move.

I’ll be sharing more about my cloth diapering experiences as we go along, but at this point, I can confidently say that we made a great decision by switching! I love how resourceful I feel, knowing that I’m not generating so much waste. I really enjoy not having to buy so many diapers and I love how cute my little baby’s bum looks in his diaper covers! I was really nervous about the whole washing process and how it would go with really dirty diapers, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the simplicity of it all. Now that the weather is warming up here in Kentucky, I plan to line dry the diapers to extend their life.

While I am by no means a cloth diapering pro (I am barely an expert on cloth diapering my son with the tools I have), I would be happy to answer any questions that anyone has about using cloth diapers. There are tons of very helpful websites out there for general as well as specific cloth diapering questions. If you are cloth diapering, I would love to hear your words of wisdom!