Topic Archive: krista

November 16, 2010

Gone So Fast

It goes without saying that the baby days go by quickly. After all, the middle of the night wakings and endless feedings only last for the first of the year, or a little into the second, so eventually my life will no longer involve bibs or diapers (at least until Baby #3 or #4 someday comes into the picture).

But as someone who struggles every night to get our littlest one to sleep in his crib for longer than 30 minutes at a time and seems to be constantly changing diapers, it’s difficult to see that there will be an end to the baby days and enjoy our time in them. It can be jarring to be awakened for the seventh time in one night to comfort a crying infant. Some days I don’t think I’ll ever get that “stinky diaper” smell out of my nose. My moods are sour, my patience thin, and many days I need coffee to function.

Then I look across the table at my two year old, who seems to have gone from baby to boy overnight. He looks so grown up. When did he start using his fork so proficiently? Wow, that was almost a full sentence! It’s easy for me to get frustrated with the little moments instead of enjoying them before they are only a memory. I don’t want to forget the funny games we play as diapers and clothes are changed. I want to remember the stillness of the 4am hour when we are the only ones awake. I can’t get those moments back.

I’m taking my words to heart today and challenging myself to spend less time on things that have no real meaning or consequences and more time on the moments. An extra snuggle on the couch, one less wipe down of the kitchen counter.

What moments are you going to soak up today?

October 14, 2010

Pregnant and Underinsured

Right in the middle of the healthcare reform debate last year, I found myself in a category I didn’t expect:  the underinsured.  Don’t worry, this isn’t a political post at all.  I am writing to share my personal experience with having a baby with no maternity coverage.

You might find yourself in this situation through no fault of your own.  In my case, it was entirely my fault.  When my family moved two years ago, I gave up a group health insurance plan (along with my job) and we purchased private health insurance coverage.  Having been somewhat spoiled by what my company’s insurance provided, I took for granted the fact that maternity coverage is not included in private health insurance.

Only a few weeks after announcing our pregnancy and having our first appointment with my new midwife, we received a letter explaining that our insurance plan allowed no maternity benefits.  After a tear-filled phone call to my insurance company, I launched into full-fledged Panic Mode.  How could we afford this?  Was there another option out there, some other insurance plan?  I looked into everything:  supplemental plans, discount plans, Medicaid, everything.  There was nothing out there that we qualified for.

Finally, I put my pride on the shelf and contacted the business manager at my midwife’s office.  I met with her and set up a pre-payment plan for my midwife’s services.  The office gives a generous 40% discount to all cash-paying patients.  The total given included all standard prenatal care, the delivery, and postpartum visits.  Anything extra, such as ultrasounds and non-stress tests, fall into the 40%-off discount.

The number we got from them was a manageable one, but I knew that wouldn’t be all we would end up paying.  All of the labwork we received did not have a discount, though through the hospital’s charity program, we did get a percentage taken off of our total at one time.  The fees and charges at the delivery time were also separate, and the most extensive of all of the costs.  Thankfully, our insurance picked up coverage for our newborn son as soon as he was born; 100% of his care was covered (because our high deductible had already been met for other unrelated things already).

Here are a few tips I have for anyone faced with this situation:

• Find out all the information you can about your insurance situation before conceiving.  You don’t want to find out when you are hormonal and already stressed!  If reading contracts isn’t your thing, call up your carrier and have someone walk you through it in person.  Some individual plans will allow you to purchase maternity insurance, but you must have paid into it for at least 10 months prior to it kicking in and it will many times have a separate deductible.
• Look into any options your state may have for persons who don’t qualify for state health insurance.  Sometimes there is a step-up program to meet needs such as maternity care.
• Be honest with your providers about your situation.  Work out a payment plan early.  If you can, get together enough cash to pay for your hospital bill up-front.  Often they will offer a large discount to cash paying patients if you can pay it before you leave the hospital.  Our situation was that we have a payment plan set up for (I think) three years.  I hope to pay it off long before that time period ends.
• Do anything you can to cut your costs.  If there are procedures that are optional, discuss it with your provider.  If you both feel comfortable with it, skip unnecessary procedures.  I was very honest with the nursing staff where we delivered and they didn’t bring me items that would be added to my hospital bill ($90 a pop painkiller, anyone??).  I also told them that I wanted to be released as soon as we could.  We had a drug-free birth (more on that below) and everything was perfect, so we went home about 26 hours after my son was born.  Birth centers let you go home even sooner!  We don’t have that option where I live.

Here is the most extreme thing I did to save money:  no epidural.  With my first son, I was induced and had an epidural before my contractions really got rough.  It wasn’t the experience I had hoped for and I wanted something different this time.  I knew that “going natural” would save us money, from the anesthesiologist to the recovery time.  Certainly, they are expensive.  There is at least one state considering eliminating the option of elective epidurals and C-sections for those on Medicaid.

I wasn’t married to the idea of a natural birth, however, and had more of a “what happens, happens” mindset.  However, I took the plunge into HypnoBabies near the end of my pregnancy.  Around 34 weeks, I ordered the HypnoBabies Home Study Course and immersed myself into planning for a natural birth.  We did end up having a natural, drug-free HypnoBabies birth (which was amazing!) and not only did it save money for us, I really enjoyed my experience!  Even if we have maternity coverage for our next child, I plan to do HypnoBabies again!

All in all, resist the urge to panic if you find yourself uninsured or underinsured.  Yes, it is a bad situation and yes, you may have ramifications from it for years to come.  However, you will get through this.  I did, and so will you!

October 9, 2010

Downhill from here…in a good way

When I look back on the comments I received after announcing our second pregnancy, right up there with “Wow, you’ll have your hands full!” is the statement “The first year is the most difficult. It gets better.” I’ve heard it said several times (I believe even on PregTASTIC!) that the first year is really hard because you spend every waking moment just trying to keep the kids apart.

Now that my children (19 months apart) are 2 years and 7 months old, it seems I’m in the homestretch of The Most Difficult Year. From here, it’s all downhill, and I mean that in a good way! I thought I would look back on the things I’ve learned. Moms of more than one, chime in with yours in the comments!

• The older child will practice their most death-defying stunts during your frustrated attempts to get your newborn to latch on correctly.
• Your quietly playing toddler will suddenly become as loud as a marching band on parade as soon as you take the baby into his room for a nap.
• When you are sleep-deprived, going back and forth between changing your now-enormous toddler’s diaper and your itsy bitsy newborn’s diaper can be both shocking and hilarious.
• The unexplained will happen. The four month old that was in the Bumbo seat when you left the room? You might come back to find something like this…

• If the other room where your children are playing gets very quiet, you should really go investigate. I’m not certain, but I believe my 2 year old took my 7 month old’s pants off today.
• Your older child will suddenly become interested in the teethers and light-up toys that were long ago abandoned for more interesting things. Expect your infant’s toys to be ripped from their grasp multiple times each day.
• Your infant will be fascinated with watching your older child. Who needs toys when they can watch their big brother dance and jump?
• Contrary to your worst fears throughout pregnancy, your heart can hold enough love for your children. Just as your home will have room for the jumperoo and the tricycle, you have more than enough love for Baby #1, Baby #2, and more.

What have I missed? What lessons did you learn in your first year as a mom of more than one?

September 24, 2010

My Must Haves

When I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I felt confident that we wouldn’t need much at all in the way of baby gear.  After all, our first child was a mere 11 months old!  What could we possibly need?

As it turned out, we found that we had too much stuff!  The things we couldn’t live without in the early days of Miles’s life began to collect dust as we welcomed Spencer.

Here’s a quick roundup of a few items we considered “must haves” the first time and how that changed the second go-around!  (Remember that your needs might differ quite a bit from ours!  Always do your homework on these products and see what others have to say.)

• Nursing Pillow – If you had asked me as a first time mom “What is the #1 product you recommend to others?” it would hands-down be the My Brest Friend nursing pillow.  It is an excellent product, with firm support for both mama and baby and it makes learning to breastfeed so much easier!  It was a lifesaver during middle of the night feedings, when I would inevitably fall into a light sleep while Miles nursed.  However, I don’t believe I used it more than three times in Spencer’s early days.  As I went between tending to Miles and cradling Spencer, it was just easier for me to use nature’s nursing pillows – my arms.  I still give this product a rave review, because it was a big help during the newborn phase.
  
• Travel System (infant carseat + stroller) – I’m the kind of mom who wants everything to match, from the stroller to the sheets.  If the carseat has blue and brown, so must the diaper bag, so the coordinating travel system was a no-brainer.  I love the Graco Deco collection items (we have the travel system, Pack N Play, and infant swing) and for the first few months, we do use the infant carrier carseat, particularly when we go into restaurants.  But experts and mothers alike will tell you that for your money, you may be better off skipping the infant carseat and getting a convertible carseat that will hold a tiny newborn.  I don’t regret this selection one bit (I would say purchase, but it was a gift from my in-laws) and now that both boys have used the infant carseat and stroller (carseat safety experts note:  they are 19 months apart, it won’t expire for several years), we are going to sell the system on Craiglist.  I’ll be sad to see it go, but we are definitely in convertible carseat and double stroller territory here.
  
• Super Soft Crib Sheets – This might be the greatest purchase ever.  Consider this advice my gift to you.  We had quite the time getting my oldest son to sleep in his crib.  He didn’t really sleep in there until after he turned one, and I had read on a message board somewhere about velour crib sheets.  At the time, I thought “Ha!  That’s a little silly, what baby really needs expensive sheets?!”  Um, my babies do.  Now I can say that both of my children have been lulled to sleep by these expensive, magical sheets.  They maintain a perfect temperature in all seasons and I’m guessing they feel like a mommy’s soft skin.  We purchased the kind available at Babies R Us, but I know there are many options out there.  Ours were under $15 and worth every single penny!  My friend took this advice and said her son went straight to sleep (no fussing!) the first night on his new sheets!  These have become my new go-to baby shower gift.
  
• Bedding Sets – I think we all realize that not everything in your child’s nursery must match.  These ever-so-adorable nursery sets can be outrageously expensive, but I understand that because they are so cute, you want one.  We purchased a gender neutral set for my oldest child and just said goodbye to it today as we sold it (the entire set plus a few extras we had purchased to complement the bedding) on Craigslist.  My youngest hasn’t used any of the pieces and when we moved my two year old to a toddler bed, he got new big boy bedding to go with it.  I realized that it made more sense to sell the crib set and get the baby pieces to match his big brother’s bedding.  My thoughts about how this item’s “gotta have it” factor has changed are that you really need to think ahead about how much you will use each item.  The mobile, for example, was completely unused (but still my husband managed to accidentally break it), as were the crib bumpers (we got a set of Breatheable Bumpers, an amazing product in itself).  Before spending a ton of cash on something that may be mostly unused, look into creative ways to decorate your baby’s room!
  

Those are my thoughts, what are yours?  What are your must haves and the items you could live without?  Has that changed with second and third children?

July 24, 2010

Happy Birthday, Little One!

I’m doing some reflecting today.  In two days, my son will celebrate his second birthday.  Two years ago today, I went to a scheduled doctor’s appointment with my OB/GYN and left with orders to come back at dinnertime to begin the induction process, due to elevated blood pressure and fears of developing preeclampsia.  My husband and I shared a meal together while we hastily compiled lists of things to do before heading back to the hospital.  It was a surreal experience to pack up our things and make that peaceful drive, knowing that we would be coming home with a baby!

The two years since his birth have been some of the most joyful, exciting, trying, and emotional moments of my life.  In that time, we have moved twice, lost a parent (my mother-in-law), and welcomed a new baby.  To say it has been eventful would be an understatement!  There are days when I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my responsibilities and the needs of everyone in our family.  I sometimes think the laundry will never be done,there will never be enough money, and my To Do list will never have X’s crossing off each item.

I cherish my family; my incredible husband, my amazing toddler, and my sweet little infant.  And in their eyes, I see that those things – the laundry, the lists – don’t matter.  What does matter are the times when I make my little boy laugh until his cheeks are wet with happy tears, the gurgles I get from my baby when we play peek-a-boo, and the looks I exchange with my husband that say “We are blessed.”  And boy oh boy, are we blessed.  On Saturday we will be at the end of our “Two Under Two” era, entering a new and exciting phase in our lives.

Tomorrow night, when I tuck my little boy into bed for his last night as a one year old, I’ll hug him extra tight and remember feeling his tiny toes kicking me from the inside.  We’ll give our Eskimo kisses and I’ll think about seeing his little face for the first time.  I’ll tell him that I love him, he will say it back (“Nuv new!”), and I’ll wonder how I ever lived without him.

I love you, sweet Miles!  Happy Birthday, little one.