For me though, there was never any question. I knew who my OB was going to be years before I got pregnant: she had been my primary care provider since I started having annual exams back in high school. She was also a friend of the family, so close in fact that my father performed her marriage ceremony. Since I lost my dad a few years ago, having her present at the birth of his grandson seemed like a fitting and logical choice.

Besides, during my annual exam the year after I got married, she told me that every time she considered not doing deliveries any more, she’d think to herself, “But I have to stick around long enough to deliver Zoe’s baby!” And when a woman has postponed retirement for your child, how could you possibly go elsewhere?!

Unfortunately this wasn’t exactly the most practical of choices. Her office is a 30-minute drive away from our house, which at the end of my pregnancy meant an awful lot of driving. But I didn’t mind, as the individual attention and care she gave me was well worth the extra time in the car. Even when it was really uncomfortable to sit for that long.

When labor day came along, I was even more glad of my choice. My doctor showed up to check on me when I went into active labor, then came back when I went into transition and started pushing. I barely remember any of that stage, but I clearly remember looking up between contractions and seeing her sitting there with tears streaming down her face, so moved to be present at the birth of my son. Part of me felt like telling her, “Pull it together, woman! You’re the one who’s supposed to be fully rational here!”, but at the same time it was wonderful to have such a personal touch to my son’s birth. Having her be the first person to hold him in this world made me feel like he was a little bit more connected to my dad, which was a very good thing.

Even better was the postpartum treatment she gave me. About a week after giving birth, I developed a very bad uterine infection, which recurred after the first round of antibiotics was over. When my fever came back the second time, it was nearly 8:30 PM by the time it peaked at almost 103 degrees. Nonetheless, when I called her at home, she had ordered a refill of my antibiotics before the pharmacy closed at 9. Now that’s what I call going above and beyond the call of normal duty.

When next I’m in the family way, we might have to make a different choice of medical provider, as I’m not sure if my OB will still be delivering babies by then or if the drive will be feasible with a toddler in tow. But I do know that the level of sweet, patient, attentive, and heartfelt medical care she gave me throughout my pregnancy, delivery, and afterward will be a hard performance to beat.

I know they say the third time is the charm, but with kids, anything goes. Before even becoming pregnant with this one, I wondered if I would be pressing my luck with another delivery. I’ve experienced two natural births that have been quite low on interventions. And I’m very pleased with that fact. Still I can’t help but wonder how this one will go. Will I be able to once again avoid the interventions I fear? Will I make it through this delivery without a c-section?

Part of my fear comes from #2’s positioning. I had horrendous back labor because she was sunnyside up until minutes before crowning. Thankfully my midwife knew a move that corrected her position. Back labor ended and she was born. I know that once a woman labors with a baby in that position, her likelihood of that happening again increases. If so, I hope that same maneuver convinces this one to flip as well. But who knows; this one might never be in that position. This one might be ready for an even speedier exit than #2…an exit that nearly happened before my midwife made it to the hospital. Which brings me to fear #2.

What if this one comes too quickly? With #1, my labor stalled the minute I walked through the hospital doors. Now I have a better understanding of the progression of labor and the sphincter law (as Ina May Gaskin calls it), which is why I waited to go to the hospital with #2. I know the longer a woman labors in a hospital, the more likely interventions will be. So, when hard labor started, I got out the exercise ball and bounced through them in the comfort of my living room. When the breaks between contractions were becoming non-existent, we left for the hospital. It’s a good thing we didn’t wait any longer; she was born within an hour from the time we entered the hospital.

Having experienced back labor with both kids, my midwife says that if this one is in a good position, I might not have back labor. And then I might not even know I’m in actual labor. While I do enjoy the thought of not experiencing that horrible back pain, I’m not sure how I feel about an unexpected home…or car…birth. Perhaps my husband should start looking into birthing techniques.

So what do I do about these fears? The only thing I know to do. Read and research. Throughout the years I’ve taken in a plethora of birth stories, talked to doulas and midwives, listened to countless podcasts, read a fair amount of books and attended a birthing class. I’ve come up with my personal birth philosophy thanks to the knowledge I’ve collected, so perhaps the most important thing I’ve done was to find a care provider that will respect that. I have a midwife I know and admire. I have confidence in her abilities. But more important than her abilities are my own. I know I’ve done this twice before. I know things can always happen or go wrong. Twists in the journey can pop up unexpectedly, but I believe self-confidence goes a long ways.

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Listen to PregTASTIC, Episode 230 to learn more about the Top 10 Labor and Delivery Fears many women experience.

So, am I in the clear to have a VBAC?  Not really.  One of my goals this pregnancy was to try for a VBAC since I never experienced real childbirth.  With Henry, I was induced, on a pitocin drip for 12 hours, yet, still never felt any true, active labor.  Heck, we weren’t even sure if my water had broke!  My belief is that I ended up with an emergency c-section because the doctor-on-call was getting off shift and just wanted my baby to come out (I checked in at 7am and delivered at 12:15am the next morning).  Even the L&D nurse didn’t concur that my baby’s heart-rate was abnormally high, but when you have emergency papers shoved in your face to sign and a doctor telling you “go,” you just bite the bullet.  The c-section was tough.  You know this when the chatty anesthesiologists get quiet.  Henry didn’t want to come out  (I attribute it to my tight abs).  But whatever the case, he had to be vacuumed up and out.  The stitching took about an hour and I was just drained afterward.  The next four days in the hospital were fine but on the evening I went home, my stitches opened up and and I had to have a visiting nurse come daily to my home for the next month to dress my scar.

Given this experience, it’s probably easy to see why I wanted to try for a VBAC (I also changed medical practices and hospitals!).  However, a VBAC still may not be in the cards.

During this pregnancy, I’ve had the pleasure of having 7 ultrasounds (plus, if I go to term – two more are scheduled).  As early as 20 weeks, we’ve been monitoring my low placenta.  The hope was that it would move up so the cervix wouldn’t be blocked and restrict a vaginal delivery.  I have been borderline on this measurement throughout my third trimester.  Today, however, although I was deemed ok with regard to the low placenta risk, I was told that there still was some placenta tissue that was not “normal” and most likely related to my first c-section.  So, what to do with this information?

I’ve decided to be practical (for me).  Unfortunately, I know personally more than a couple of moms who have had complicated deliveries that resulted in tragic or almost tragic consequences.  A key driver for me is to not to put myself in a situation where such risks may outweigh the annoyance, yet relative “ease” of my first caesarean experience.  Even after watching Ricki Lake’s “The Business of Being Born,” and concurring with a lot of what she had to say, I believe I am erring on what I know.  As a result, my doctor and I marked a date on our calendars (September 27th) for a scheduled c-section.

If, however, new baby Manty decides to come early, I’ll just have to make a decision on that day.  While I would love to hope that all goes well and I could experience real contractions and real labor (am I crazy for wanting to be in pain?), and a real vaginal birth, again, the prognosis on that day will drive the pros and cons of a vaginal vs. c-section delivery.

Are you committed to your birth plan or have you built in flexibility for “practical” circumstance?

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Learn more about birth plans by listening to PregTASTIC, Episode 33.

In this episode: Sunny (host), Kate, Michelle, Maia and Amy
Resource: The Bump, Top 10 Labor and Delivery Fears

In this episode: Sunny (host), Kate and Patrice
Special Guests: Theresa, Owen (hubby) and Baby Jameson

Kate, Patrice, Theresa, Owen and Sunny

Owen, Theresa and Baby Jameson

Here’s just a few, first about giving birth:

•  I wish I hadn’t bothered taking a so-called birth preparation class. My husband and I spent four of our final Friday nights as non-parents in a stuffy classroom at the birthing center being lectured about how to give birth naturally. I had no qualms about using medication, and so most of the coping techniques were kind of lost on me. I wish we’d gone a movie those nights instead.
• Ditto for all the reading I did: pretty much all of it has flown out of my brain now that I’m a mom. I vaguely recall random facts, and then can’t remember where I got them from – at what weight do babies start sleeping through the night? Where did I see that? I can’t remember. Again, I wish I’d spent the time reading a novel or sleeping.For me, reading about giving birth or being a parent was about as useful as reading about what it’ll be like to jump out of an airplane. It was helpful to prepare me for the technical side of things, but it couldn’t come close to showing me what it actually is like.
• Along those lines, labor is not what you’ll expect it to be. As I said, I was fully expecting to have an epidural, but I ended up giving birth naturally. I was amazed at how much my body took over, and by the end, my conscious self had been relegated to a very small voice at the back of my mind. Afterward, my husband described me as “feral,” which was more or less how I felt.So as it turned out, no amount of preparation helped, other than simply knowing what stage of labor I was in so that I knew if I’d made it to transition without drugs, I could probably make it all the way. Which I could’ve found out by spending ten minutes on Wikipedia, instead of spending ten hours in said birth preparation class.Bottom line is: trust your body. It knows what to do, with or without your cooperation.
• However, be warned: it turns out transition is NOT always the hardest stage of labor. For some lucky few, pushing is actually harder. I was one of them. I never felt that much-vaunted “urge to push” that everyone talks about, and none of the relief that people say came when they finally got the go-ahead to push. My OB said afterward, “Yeah, it’s like that for some women.” Great. Go me.

As for being a mom, in my still limited experience, I have learned:

• Baby poop is bright yellow. Baby clothing is not. You do the math — and the laundry.
• Nursing every two hours does NOT mean two hours from the end of one session to the beginning of the next. It means two hours from start to start. Depending on how long your baby nurses, that leaves you about 45 to 90 minutes of free time in between. And that goes by really, really quickly, especially when you’re trying to sleep during that time.
• You will never love another human being this much. In fact I think there should be an entirely different category of words to describe how it feels to be a parent.

I could go on and on, and I’m sure there’s many points I’m forgetting because I didn’t write them down as soon as I thought of them. That’s the other thing — you will forget everything, so make sure to write it all down, even the silly stuff.

Now what was I saying again…?

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Listen to PregTASTIC, Episode 224 to hear former PregTASTIC panelists share all the things they wish they had known before their babies were born.

In this episode: Sunny (host), Jenna, Jane, Theresa, Mercedes and Jenn.
Special Guests: LaShonda and Baby Luke

Luke and Sayer playing together

LaShonda, Luke, Sayer and Sunny

LaShonda and Baby Luke

There is a wide spectrum of childbirth options out there, from freebirthing (where you catch your own baby with no professional assistance) to scheduled elective cesarean sections. No matter what kind of birth you plan for, my hope for all women is that you go into the experience educated enough to make informed decisions and leave the experience feeling empowered. My recommendations will hopefully allow you to accomplish that. Please remember that childbirth is also unpredictable.  No matter how much you plan and prepare, you might not get the birth you are hoping for, which is another reason why I feel it is so important to educate yourself on all of the possibilities.  The more you know, the more ready you’ll be when your baby’s birth day arrives.

2. WATCH

Please don’t watch the scary reality baby shows on cable where every birth winds up in a crisis situation. Those will just freak you out. I’d also not put too much stock in the fluffy cable birth shows like TLC’s A Baby Story, which really glazes over what birth is really like. I challenge you (and your partner) to watch films of actual births, with the nitty gritty details included.  If you’ve never seen a baby emerge from a woman’s vagina, you need to. It’s more than likely going to happen to you. The more you see, the less scary it becomes. There are a lot of video clips on Youtube, but here are a few other good ones to check out:

3. LISTEN

PregTASTIC pregnancy podcast is an amazing show all about pregnancy and childbirth. There have been some amazing guests showcased in the almost 200 episodes available, but my favorite part is the panel of pregnant ladies who share their own pregnancy experiences with the world. The guests are great for educating yourself on everything from breastfeeding to gestational diabetes, and whole episodes are dedicated to subjects like epidurals, Hypnobirthing, and preparing your partner to be your coach. The panelists are really what personalize the show for me and keep me listening. Okay, I’m a PregTASTIC groupie, but as a faithful listener, I really feel like I’m a part of a community. Hearing the birth stories of so many women really helped me solidify what I wanted (and didn’t want) my own birth to look like. You can download PregTASTIC from www.pregtastic.com, and it’s also available on iTunes.  The best part?  It’s FREE!

4. YOGA

Prenatal yoga was invaluable to me during my last pregnancy. I dedicated time twice a week to classes in a studio. That time focused solely on my body, my baby, and my upcoming birth. It not only soothed my pregnancy aches and pains, but it made me stronger physically and mentally and got me pysched up for the whole-being marathon that childbirth can be. I also made friends in my classes that could relate to exactly what I was going through. During transition, it was my yoga instructors’ voices that I heard in my head, reminding me to breathe. I meet a lot of people that tell me they have a yoga DVD they do at home, but I really recommend that you make the investment and find a studio. The camaraderie and individual instruction make a huge difference.

5. EDUCATE

This sounds redundant. The first four recommendations were about educating yourself, right? I also recommend finding a childbirth educator that teaches a class tailored to the kind of birth you hope to experience. Or, hire a doula that can educate you before the birth and be with you throughout your labor. I’ve been to the one-day class at the hospital, and it doesn’t really cover how to cope with the intensity of birth. I think it’s a worthy class to attend, as it often includes caring for a newborn, infant CPR, and other essential things to know as a first-time parent. However, I really recommend attending something more in-depth. For instance, I knew I wanted a natural childbirth the second time around. Because of my husband’s schedule, we weren’t able to attend a formal class. Instead, I had a doula/certified childbirth educator come to our house one Saturday and give us a breakdown on how to handle natural childbirth. Because it was just the three of us, we were able to cover a lot of material in one day.

PregTASTIC Pregnancy Podcast #145