Topic Archive: Lyssa

June 1, 2011

Lyssa’s Birth Story

I’ve been reluctant to write my son’s birth story, though I’m not totally sure why. Baby brain still has a hold on me and I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in over 6 months. I have trouble concentrating, and just when I think I might have a moment to gather my thoughts–it is gone–or the baby cries–or both. Things happened so quickly and erratically that night, it’s hard for me to remember exactly what happened. I lost all concept of time. Suddenly, I forgot everything I knew about labor and second guessed every early twinge, embarrassed I didn’t know and afraid I was having a hysterical episode of some sort–crazy.

I had been having severe right hip pain for the last 2 weeks, an apparent pregnancy related inflammation of the sacroileac joint . Barely able to walk, it was all I could do to drive my son to and from school each day. I woke the morning of November 19th with an urge to get the house tidied up and somehow managed to do some cleaning. After a chiropractor appointment, I “assumed my position” on the couch, somewhat crampy but such gastrointestinal issues were nothing new.   My first baby had been 5 days late, everyone told me this one would likely be late as well.  By my calculations, I still had days to go. (more…)

March 29, 2011

Infertility: Over and Out

It took four years and thousands of dollars to have our second child… so you can understand why I literally burst out laughing when my midwife asked which birth control method my husband and I would be using.  She says the best cure for infertility is having a baby. I say the best birth control is having a 6 year old and a baby–who has the energy for sex??

Part of me would love to take my chances. What better news could a fertility-challenged woman get than to discover she’s pregnant again? My husband says, “win the lottery and we can have as many babies as you want.” I was lucky he agreed to try for another, he secretly always wanted to be an only child and was pretty content having an only child. Then there is the fact that I just turned 40. (more…)

February 12, 2011

Lost in the Momosphere

Sleep deprivation.  Hormone imbalance.  Low hemoglobin.  Oppressive winter weather.  Colicky baby.  Advanced maternal age.  These are the ideal conditions in which the mental haze I call “Mommy Mush Brain”, or “Baby Brain” can manifest itself. All I know is, I am lost in the momosphere and can’t seem to find my way out.

My beautiful baby boy was born November 19, 2010.  While my birth story will hopefully be the topic of another post one day, suffice it to say that all things considered, I  had an easy labor and delivery–Teague was born 9 minutes after I got into the hospital bed.  As I always say though, there is no free lunch.  For me, pregnancy and delivery are relatively easy, the postpartum period? Not so much.

(more…)

November 11, 2010

It Takes a Village…

Times have changed, living close to extended family isn’t always possible. Our family has both a local and a long distance set of grandparents.  It can be complicated on both counts at times, but having involved grandparents in the life of our child is such a blessing for all of us.

Skype and great long distance plans really make the 3,000 miles between Quinn and my husband’s parents (in Oregon) much more bearable.  They recently made a visit to NJ and you would have thought Quinn had “known” them since day one (this was their third face-to-face visit). It was very sweet and reassured all of us that quality relationships can be sustained despite the miles between us. Email and phone calls allow my husband and me to stay connected with his parents, to have them be part of the “village” that is raising our child. I always enjoy hearing about my husband’s childhood from his mom and how she did things and she enjoys the updates on Quinn’s escapades. Our new baby will be their 12th grandchild, 8 of which live close to them, they are not being deprived of grandparent experiences, but each of their grandchildren is very special to them.

My parents live 30 miles away and have been very involved in our son’s life from day one.  Funny thing is, as grandparents they are nothing like the parents I remember.  They have a great time with him, unencumbered by the burdens of parenting a young child–they spoil him and give him back!  They have been so generous with their time and energy, and no doubt about it, Quinn and his 2 cousins are keeping them young! Luckily, we both believe in respecting each others’ boundaries which is essential for a healthy balance.  I try hard not to impose upon their generosity, not to assume they have nothing better to do than watch my child and I try to reciprocate their kindness with kindness. My parents have raised their kids, they don’t want too much responsibility, they just want to have fun!  I understand that. They are also helpful with some of the less glamorous aspects of raising a little one as much as they can–potty training was a team effort.  They generally respect the rules we are setting and help to reinforce them.  Maybe they buy him too many toys but there are worse things…

Having a close relationship with my parents as an adult isn’t always easy.  Occasionally we just get on each others’ nerves and disagree about how things should be done.  I truly have gained new insight and respect for them, though.  When they were raising my brother and me they were so young and inexperienced, they did the best they could and we turned out okay.  I doubt I’d ever have appreciated that as fully without becoming a mother.  The thirty minute drive also helps, we are close but not on top of each other. We don’t spend all of our free time together so we don’t step on each others’ toes too much.

I have a friend who lives far from both sets of grandparents.  They use Skype and visit each other as often as possible.  In addition, they have bonded with some older couples in their church who act as “surrogate” grandparents.  It has been a great experience for all of them as one of the couples has no grandchildren of their own. There is someone close by who can offer support and encouragement, that is important. We need that generation to generation connection in a tangible way.  Quinn’s former babysitter is working in the infant room of a daycare right now.  She says it constantly amazes her how moms run to the doctor with simple little things that their moms and grandmothers should be chiming in on–but since modern families often lack those connections–many of us are insecure about motherhood to say the least. I truly believe in that “village” approach to raising kids and gaining confidence as mothers.

Some of my best childhood memories are of spending time with my grandparents.  It’s exciting to know that Quinn, his baby brother and their cousins, will have similar memories to cherish as they grow up.

November 4, 2010

Antepartum Blues

I guess I have a case of ante-partum blues.  It’s not the hormonal rampage that can accompany the postpartum period–more just a feeling of having too much to do without enough time in which to do it–exacerbated by aches, pains and poor sleep.  I am anxious by nature, this is nothing particularly new, but the lack of sleep definitely contributes to the overwhelmed feelings I have been having–and some of the irrational thinking as well. To a pregnant woman, poor sleep adds such insult to injury as I know that true sleep deprivation is in the immediate future!

Worry. I’m not worried about labor or pain or that part of the process, I’m in awe of the it all.  I do have trouble reading the newspaper lately though, and I worry that the terrible things I read could happen to my family–that something awful might happen to them, that I might die and leave them motherless.  My job as a hospice nurse doesn’t help either. My work has always been rewarding and I love helping people, but day after day of hearing sad stories and worst case scenarios really ramps my hormonal meter, if you know what I mean.  Today is actually my first official day of maternity leave and I do feel a bit better already, a reprieve from the pressure of working outside the home is truly a blessing.

Clutter. Lately I’m overwhelmed by the amount of “stuff” I have.  How did we accumulate so much?  Where do I start to organize it all.  Look how much money I’d have in my bank account if I hadn’t bought this or that… Worse yet–where am I going to get the energy needed to deal with it?

Energy…that’s a biggie.  I don’t have much.  In theory, sure, there are so many things I want to do but in practice–getting off the couch takes a LOT of effort. I have my son’s cold.  My pelvic bones feel like they are being held together with dental floss. Sleep is just not the restful repose it should be when I have to get up to the bathroom so many times a night!

Guilt. Did you see the Time Magazine article on how the first 9 months in utero can affect a person’s life and health forever? Way to amp up the guilt for a ship that has already sailed, meaning that I might have done some things differently had I read it in week 3 as opposed to week 30. Not that I have been smoking and drinking, far from it, but I have not shunned the cold cuts or stopped cleaning my house with standard cleaning products and I have colored my hair!

I guess that’s a whole lot of complaining from someone lucky enough to be having a baby after such effort and expense.  I do want to be honest about where I am in the pregnancy, I doubt I’m alone.  This has been a tense pregnancy anyway, and there is so much to worry about… I just have to keep a balance that will allow me not to be controlled by my anxiety. Something I have learned working with hospice patients is that no matter what you are handed–you find a way to deal with it and you keep going. It’s my deepest prayer that there will be more to celebrate than worry about.  I’ll do what I can to take care of the important things–rest, a little exercise, some good food… I’ll say YES, PLEASE! when people offer to come and help…I’ll continue to monitor my own thinking and remind myself of what is important and rational and what slips in with sleep deprivation.  Mostly, I want to cherish every little kick and squirm of this little baby inside me, grateful for the miracle of his life as I wait to welcome him into the world.

UPDATE I am a full week into maternity leave with 3 weeks to go until my due date.  Sleep has not improved, I’m sorry to report, but nesting has kicked in!  What a great feeling to be able to check some things off of my to do list.  Keeping busy also keeps my anxiety in better check.  I have had a productive week and it makes me laugh because I feel like I’m playing a game of “beat the clock”. Of course, the more I do, the more I realize there is to be done… such is life, I guess.

October 8, 2010

Second Baby – Like Riding a Bike?

We spent the start of my son’s life in a sleep-deprived stupor.  His precious newborn weeks were lost in the chaos of breast feeding difficulties and colic, it was a challenging time.  The responsibilities were overwhelming, the decisions impossible for people who had not slept through the night since who-knows-when.

Then it occurred to me—the next baby is the one you get to ENJOY, the one you might feel remotely competent enough to bring home from the hospital without so much anxiety and fear. Eventually,  I realized that each “crisis” was but a moment which passed and we survived—but because we were so “green”, we took it all way too seriously and missed out on the simple pleasures of our precious son and his fleeting first weeks.

We waited until Quinn’s first birthday and started trying again, eager to test this theory.  Well, Quinn is going to be just 6 weeks shy of turning 6 before his baby brother is born, not our choice, I assure you.  I sit here praying that caring for a newborn is like riding a bike—that it all comes back to you—but my fear is that it’s one of those “use it or lose it” situations and we will be starting from scratch in every way.

Of course, having Quinn changed us permanently; we couldn’t possibly be so clueless again, right?? We endured the trial by fire and have a wonderful little boy to show for it!  Maybe this new little guy will be a good sleeper!  Maybe my milk will come in this time!  At the very least we know how to swaddle, mix formula and sterilize bottles.  We know that colic doesn’t last forever and a gassy tummy at 3am may seem like the end of the world, but is not.

The important thing is that we savor every moment of this precious newborn’s first weeks.  He will be our last as far as we know and we are thrilled to welcome him. So I think I’ll make a cup of tea and listen to PregTASTIC Episode #187, Baby Care Basics and Episode #123 Dr. Harvey Karp: Making it Through the Fourth Trimester, one more time.  Hey, I’ll take all the “refresher” information I can get while I wish that the hard-won skills we earned with Quinn come rushing back after Teague’s delivery.

September 18, 2010

T-Minus 10 Weeks and Counting

All the time in the world…
It was a cold day at the end of winter when I learned I was pregnant, November felt like a lifetime away. Barely into spring, I would also have to get through a whole summer and most of fall until we could welcome this little one into our family.

The early months of my pregnancy were pleasantly uneventful and life didn’t change much. We actually didn’t think about it too much as we were fearful of another miscarriage and complications. After our ultrasound at 21weeks, we were able to really breathe a sigh of relief and talk and think about this baby boy with more excitement.

Life marches on…
With our first child, I had nothing better to do than prepare for and think about having a baby. That’s a luxury not afforded to subsequent pregnancies. My son is 5 and just started kindergarten–we had a very busy summer preparing for this, having a fun summer and squeezing in a family vacation before our lives change in so many ways. I am also a working mom and have had to add more hours to my part-time schedule in order to qualify for maternity leave–not to mention the fact that my job in general is busier and more involved now than it was when I was pregnant with my first son.

Poof! Where did the time go?
So here we are–only 10 weeks to go and I feel like I am careening down a roller coaster drop with life flying past in an out-of-focus blur. There is so much to be done–where is the baby going to sleep? His room is nowhere near ready. What did I do with that box of maternity clothing I haven’t needed until now? Our baby equipment is 5 years old–we have to check for recalls and clean everything. Of course, this is all in addition to the daily tasks and commitments which seem to be growing exponentially–only now I have far less energy and focus!

Still, baby Teague is on the way whether we are ready or not. It’s another opportunity to learn how to “stop sweating the small stuff”. I look forward to that third trimester burst of nesting energy and maternity leave!  This is going to be our last child and we plan to enjoy every moment with him–whether or not the nursery is completed.

August 30, 2010

My Happiest Place on Earth

We’re going to Walt Disney World! And I’ll be 28 weeks pregnant…gestational insanity you might say?? Perhaps, but it is my family’s favorite place and we can’t get there fast enough. Is Disney World a crazy vacation destination for a pregnant woman? I say, it’s perfect!

It has been a crazy summer here in NJ–hot and humid like none in recent memory, great preparation for Florida’s weather. I have been working a lot this summer. I need to accrue a certain number of hours to be eligible for maternity leave. A trip to the moon would be fantastic if it means some time off from work–this mama needs a break!

There is something to be said for going someplace familiar. This will be Quinn’s 8th trip to Disney (he is 5). We know our way around and feel relatively safe here. We know the food, the best places to relax and enjoy a Mickey-shaped ice cream bar and where to score free glasses of ice water… I can find the drugstore, the Urgent Care Center (yeah, been there, done that before) and the hospital. Especially while pregnant, I am not a fan of the unfamiliar.

Disney is a place where the average daily walk is about 8 miles. There are thrill rides, temperature extremes and some outstanding adult beverages. It goes without saying that some adjustments will need to be made to accommodate my “condition”. There are also many small details that can easily be missed in and around the World when caught up in the usual frenetic pace of touring–this will be a good time to stop and smell the proverbial roses.

My husband and I made many trips to Disney World with dreams of bringing our children–it took a while–but we have relished every trip with Quinn. Knowing the joy of sharing Disney with him, we hoped to have another child to add to the mix and it is finally about to happen. One of Disney’s slogans is “Where Dreams come true”, I am a believer. The pace of this vacation may be slow and I will likely be able to write a tour guide (or at least an ode) to the restrooms on Disney property–but I am so excited to spend some quality time with my favorite people in my favorite place on earth.