Growing up I had experiences that most kids haven’t had because of who my dad is. My dad is a high-risk obstetrician, a.k.a. maternal-fetal medicine specialist or perinatologist. He was very busy during my childhood and he wanted my brothers and I to understand that the reason for his frequent absence was the very important work he does.  His job is to save the lives of moms with pregnancy and birth complications and their pre-born babies.

The way he drove his point home may seem morbid, but this is what he did: whenever we would visit a cemetery where a relative was buried, my dad would also show us old graves of young mothers and infants that hadn’t yet been named.  He’d explain that before there were enough people who did what he does, childbirth could be really risky business. Other times his point was made more subtly.  Some days my dad would come home from work quiet and sad. If we probed him he might tell us that a patient or baby he took care of didn’t make it despite all his very best efforts. (Not to scare anyone–of course this is a very rare situation, but in my dad’s line of work when it does happen he’s there for it.)

Undoubtedly because of these childhood experiences, never in my life have I considered giving birth anywhere but in a hospital. Although, if I had told my husband, Neal, that I wanted to give birth in our house he would have been all about it. He’s the oldest son of a farmer and birth has always been a part of his everyday life. However, he was born in a hospital himself and is fine with our children being born in one. Our initial plan when I got pregnant was to birth our baby in the local county hospital where Neal was born. It is 17 miles from our house, but there isn’t one closer!

Almost as soon as we told my dad where we were planning to have the baby he got on the internet to research the hospital—and the other hospital choices in our area. He called and simply told me I was “not allowed” to give birth in this “little rural” hospital. Basically he said that they are not prepared for the worst and he is acutely aware of what the worst can be. He told me about one relatively close hospital that would be better—a step up with at least an obstetrician or two on staff–but what he really wanted us to do was go to the closest level three university hospital. I protested that that’s an hour and a half away from home for us and reminded him we’d have to make that trip while I was in labor, but he just said that that was too bad.

Obviously, I am an adult and my dad cannot ultimately dictate the choices I make. However, this was the first time since sometime in my teenage years I can ever remember my dad being anything but supportive of my decisions and ideas. Obviously he cares about the situation I give birth in immensely and I know it’s because he wants the very best for me. He pointed out that my baby will be his first grandchild and that I’m his only daughter.

With great respect for my dad and the work he does, I quickly decided the distance I would have to travel for prenatal appointments and to give birth was a sacrifice I was willing to make for my dad’s peace of mind. Plus, more trips into the “big city” would give me more opportunities to look for maternity clothes and baby stuff and to pamper myself a bit during my pregnancy.

This level-three-hospital-in-the-city idea did not go over so well with Neal. In fact, he was really offended. The hospital he was born in was good enough for his birth and he was certain it was good enough for his own baby. This turned into what I’ll call a heated debate where our city-girl and country-boy upbringings were at odds. But, in the end we decided to go with the high-tech urban hospital. Although the drive is inconvenient for appointments, so far I have been really happy with the high quality of the level three hospital during prenatal checkups and the chances I’ve had to do other things while in the city certainly hasn’t hurt!

I am a little jealous of the expecting moms whose life experiences are leading them into a fearless home birth far from a large hospital where things can proceed in a totally earthy and natural way. In no way do I want to convince them birthing in a hospital would be better or safer. As long as they know ahead of time they are not high-risk, more power to them. However, this otherwise crunchy lady is psyching up for a long drive out of the boonies to a top ranked hospital once labor hits.